I wish I had some reason for going to some other place. I wish I was
lost among strangers. I should like to find myself in a state of
danger, meeting the risks that I used to run in my vagabond days. Now I
think of it, I might enjoy this last excitement by going back to
England, and giving the Invincibles a chance of shooting me as a
traitor to the cause. But my wife would object to that.
Suppose we change the subject.
You will be glad to hear that you knew something of law, as well as of
medicine. I sent instructions to my solicitor in London to raise a loan
on my life-insurance. What you said to me turns out to be right. I
can't raise a farthing, for three years to come, out of all the
thousands of pounds which I shall leave behind me when I die.
Are my prospects from the newspaper likely to cheer me after such a
disappointment as this? The new journal, I have the pleasure of
informing you, is much admired. When I inquire for my profits, I hear
that the expenses are heavy, and I am told that I must wait for a rise
in our circulation. How long? Nobody knows.
I shall keep these pages open for a few days more, on the chance of
something happening which may alter my present position for the better.
My position has altered for the worse.
I have been obliged to fill my empty purse, for a little while, by
means of a bit of stamped paper. And how shall I meet my liabilities
when the note falls due? Let time answer the question; for the present
the evil day is put off. In the meanwhile, if that literary speculation
of yours is answering no better than my newspaper, I can lend you a few
pounds to get on with. What do you say (on second thoughts) to coming
back to your old quarters at Passy, and giving me your valuable advice
by word of mouth instead of by letter?
Come, and feel my pulse, and look at my tongue--and tell me how these
various anxieties of mine are going to end, before we are any of us a
year older. Shall I, like you, be separated from my wife--at her
request; oh, not at mine! Or shall I be locked up in prison? And what
will become of You? Do you take the hint, doctor?