None of them had been interested in peace.
I’d had to kill Amarantha. I’d diminished Oberon.
Sooner or later I’d have to take care of Titania, too. And then her son would come after me, or someone else.
It would never end, not unless every last faerie was wiped from the earth.
I wondered if that was what Lucifer had in mind all along. To use me as his sword and shield, knowing that I would protect my child.
For when I thought about my baby I knew that I could and would slaughter every last denizen of Faerie if that was what it took to keep him safe.
It was frightening to think of myself that way, as a weapon without mercy. But it was also true. I knew that under the right circumstances that was what I could become.
But I didn’t want it to come to that. I didn’t want to spend my life always looking over my shoulder. And I especially was not interested in doing anything that might serve Lucifer’s purpose.
I sighed. There was nothing I could do at the moment except wait and see what happened. And call J.B., who was not going to be happy with me at all.
I dressed in clean jeans and a sweater and put on a pair of heavy wool socks. The house felt really cold. It was possible that I’d forgotten to pay the heating bill. More than a few important things had slipped my mind lately.
I stopped short as I entered the dining room. “Crap. What day is it?”
“You were gone for about fifteen hours,” Jude said.
“So it’s tomorrow, then?” I said.
“Whatever that means,” Beezle said.
“It was late afternoon when we left, so it’s the next day,” I said, running back to my room and grabbing my soul collection list.
I scanned the list quickly, then closed my eyes.
I’d missed a pickup.
I couldn’t believe it. I’d missed a soul pickup.
That had never, ever happened to me before. I’d managed to lose Jayne Wiskowski yesterday and today I hadn’t even made it to the pickup location.
J.B. was really not going to be happy with me at all. Maybe I could call him at some later date and explain. Like three months from now. Unfortunately, I didn’t think he would let me dodge him for that long.
My shoulders slumped, I went back to the living room. The front door was open. Jude and Nathaniel were nowhere to be seen.
I looked questioningly at Beezle and Samiel. Beezle had taken over Jude’s half of the checkerboard and was beating Samiel handily.
Beezle negotiated for pizza and wings in exchange for information, Samiel signed as Jude reentered the apartment carrying a delivery bag.
“You didn’t have to let him get his way,” I said to Jude. “I would have told you what happened today for free.”
“You need to eat,” Jude said. “You’re looking thin.”
“You’re the third person to say that,” I said.
“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that,” Beezle said, pushing away from the checkerboard and looking at me. “I think it’s the baby.”
“The baby is making me thin?” I asked. “That would no doubt be a first among pregnancies.”
“You’ve been really tired, right?” Beezle asked.
I nodded. “But I don’t think that’s so unusual for a woman having a baby while fighting off mortal threats at every turn.”
“You have lost some weight, though. I think the baby is eating up more energy than a normal baby.”
I blinked. “So I should be worried that my child is going to… what? Eat me from the inside out? Like a parasite?”
“The baby is part nephilim,” Beezle said. “We don’t know what it will do to you.”
“He’s not a monster,” I said angrily. “He’s Gabriel’s child, and Gabriel was not a monster.”
“But he had monster in him,” Beezle said.
So do I, Samiel signed, his face stony. Ramuell was my father, too.
“You’re a known quantity,” Beezle said impatiently. “The baby isn’t.”
“I refuse to believe this child will be like Ramuell,” I said. “Gabriel was the gentlest person I ever knew.”
“Regardless of what the baby is or is not,” Jude said, “we have to acknowledge that it comes from the bloodlines of immortal creatures, and you are mortal. You will not experience a normal human pregnancy.”
“Okay,” I said. “So I’m losing weight. Although my pants don’t feel any looser, so I’ll have to take your word for it. What am I supposed to do about it?”
“Eat more,” Jude said. “When a wolf goes through many changes in a short period of time, he can lose a lot of weight because of the energy required for the changes. Even a straight human pregnancy would mean extra calorie intake. Given that the child has a magical bloodline, you’ll probably have to add in a significant amount of food.”
“Food I can’t afford,” I muttered.
“All of us will help you. And I’m certain some of us can go without if necessary,” Jude said with a meaningful glare at Beezle.
“You have no idea how much food I need to get through the day,” Beezle said.
“Need and want are not the same thing,” I said, going to the kitchen to get paper plates.
Beezle had already gotten into the chicken wings by the time I returned. There was a large pile of bones next to him.
“I hope you placed a double order,” I said to Jude, who was watching Beezle in fascination.