We all took flight, Beezle coming to rest at his usual place on my shoulder. Gabriel held on to my hand like he was afraid I was going to disappear.
J.B. flew east a short distance with us, then turned off to head downtown. I shook free from Gabriel for a moment and followed him.
“J.B.,” I said, and when he turned to look at me I didn’t know what to say.
“Congratulations,” he said, and I could tell he didn’t really mean it.
“I’m sorry,” I said, and I tried to put a lot of meaning into those two words. I was sorry he was hurting, and that his hurt was caused by my happiness. I was sorry I couldn’t feel about him the way he felt about me. I was sorry.
He nodded. “Come to the Agency in the morning. I want to show you something we found with those cameras.”
“Okay. I’ll be there,” I said, and watched him fly away. He seemed very alone.
I turned back to Samiel, Beezle and Gabriel, all waiting for me. Gabriel held out his hand, and I took it.
“I hope the two of you aren’t going to be mushy all the time now,” Beezle said, resuming his perch on my shoulder. “You were kind of unbearable before, when you couldn’t actually touch each other.”
“I hope you aren’t going to keep up a running commentary on our marriage. Because that might make me lose my motivation for buying snack cakes,” I replied.
Samiel tapped me on the shoulder. So I’m your brother, too, now.
You already were, I replied. I wouldn’t have fought the Grigori for you otherwise.
They aren’t going to be happy now. Especially Azazel.
“Azazel can suck it,” I said fervently. “And so can Nathaniel.”
“Ooh, yeah, Nathaniel,” Beezle chortled. “I wish I could be there when he finds out about the two of you.”
“I’d already told him I wouldn’t marry him,” I reminded Beezle.
“Yeah, but he thought Azazel’s will would prevail.”
“It might have with anyone else. But Madeline has the strongest will I have ever known,” Gabriel said, and his voice was filled with pride.
“You make it sound like it’s a good thing,” Beezle said. “Just wait until you have your first argument. Then you’ll see how annoying it is.”
“It wasn’t my will that led to this marriage,” I said slowly. “It was Lucifer’s.”
“Don’t examine that thought too closely,” Beezle advised. “It’ll suck all the joy out of the moment.”
“You’re right,” I said, shaking my head and smiling. “Who cares why Lucifer did what he did? Gabriel is free, we’re married, and Azazel and Nathaniel are out of it.”
But as we continued home the smile faded from my face. I may have gotten what I wanted, but so did Lucifer. And it was hard not to wonder why it suited him to marry me to Gabriel.
I looked at my husband—my husband, I thought, cherishing that word deep down inside me—and wondered just what Lucifer had in store for us.
And I might have imagined it, but Lucifer’s merry laugh seemed to follow us home.
11
A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER I WALKED OUT OF THE bathroom, wrapped in my bathrobe with a towel on my head, having finally managed to get all of the spider gunk out of my very long hair. I stopped in the hallway between the bathroom and my bedroom, my heart racing with trepidation.
My husband was waiting for me, and this was unknown territory. What if I disappointed him? My feet felt like they were stuck to the floor.
Samiel and Gabriel had rearranged their possessions while I was in the shower. Gabriel’s few things were stacked in the dining room, waiting to be incorporated into my stuff. Samiel had moved his clothes and books downstairs to Gabriel’s former abode. Beezle had gone downstairs with Samiel, saying loudly that they were going to watch a really noisy movie with lots of gunfights and car explosions and that they were definitely not going to acknowledge any sounds that might be coming from my—our—apartment.
“Madeline,” Gabriel said.
He stood in the doorway of my—our—bedroom, wearing nothing but his dress pants. His wings were folded behind him and his feet were bare.
I felt myself staring down the tunnel of the unknown as I had so many times before, and reflected that it was easier to face the prospect of being killed by some horrible monster than to lay myself open, heart and mind and body, before the man I loved.
He was mine. He was all I’d wanted from the first moment I’d met him, and yet I still couldn’t bring myself to walk toward him.
“Madeline,” he said again, and he held out his hand. “I will not harm you.”
I knew he wouldn’t. It wasn’t about harm. It was about my own fears, my own sense of inadequacy.
I drifted down the hall slowly until I reached him. The air smelled like apple pie baking, the smell I associated with Gabriel. I put my hand in his and smiled shyly up at him.
He kissed me, and it was an easy kiss without expectation. The little rabbit thumping away in my chest calmed.
“Let me comb your hair,” he said, and led me into the room.
He’d turned down the sheets. Only the bedside lamp was lit and it gave off a soft glow that left most of the room in shadow. The window was cracked open about half an inch, letting in the frigid January air. I shivered.
Gabriel gave me an apologetic look. “I am often very warm, even in winter.”
“It’s okay,” I said.