The last tether holding me to my civility, my reason, snapped. “No, I can’t. Because you weren’t there. You left. You were my best friend, and you got into Boulder for Riley, and you left. And that was okay, because I was happy for you, and I wanted to stay in the Springs. But then you quit returning calls, and I know it wasn’t on purpose, you got…busy. You can’t tell me you didn’t feel that distance.”
She looked down at her hands. “I’m so sorry. I got caught up in Boulder. I didn’t mean for us to grow apart. It just happened.”
“I know. It happens to a lot of high-school friends, I just never thought it would happen to us. And then your dad died…” My words failed.
“And you took me in and put me back together, no questions asked.”
I shook my head. “That wasn’t what I meant…no. You are my best friend, and the closest thing I have to a sister. Hell, you were my sister that year I lived with you during Mom’s last deployment. Of course I was there for you when your world fell apart. I wasn’t going to let you go through that alone. When you’re around, we skip over what we’ve missed, and go back to being us, but you left again. You got into Vanderbilt, and I’m so proud of you, but you weren’t there, you didn’t see…” I took a deep breath. “Things happened. I did bad things.” My throat closed. “I made stupid choices, and this is all on me.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” She extended the olive branch.
“I’d rather shower.” I flashed the fake smile and burned her tree to the ground. “After all, a girl’s got to look her best to nail a job, right?”
Her gaze dropped to the floor as she stood. “Absolutely. I’ll jump online and see who’s looking.”
Ember, the fixer. “No, girl. You never get to see Josh. Go spend time with him. I’ll be out in a little while.”
“You sure?”
“Absolutely.”
She squeezed my hand and left me to my shower. I held in the tears until I stood naked under the scalding hot spray. Then I let them loose, sobs racking my body as the water all but burned my skin.
It didn’t matter how long I scrubbed, I couldn’t get clean enough to get him off me or out of my life.
I gave myself those moments and let it all in, absorbing the shittiness of the situation and making peace with what I’d lost. “The only constant is change.” That’s what Mom always said, usually followed by, “Now embrace the suck. There’s work to do.”
But maybe the work could start tomorrow, because all I wanted to do today was forget.
Chapter Three
Grayson
Sam was a girl. Samantha.
Check that. Not a girl—a woman, and damn it, not only was she beautiful, but I noticed. Not noticed like Paisley or Ember, but in the way where my body woke up and paid attention.
She’d climbed up onto the counter, her incredible ass nearly peeking out of those tiny pajama shorts, all curves and skin that looked like warmed-over honey. Maybe it tasted— Oh, hell no!
The door slid home behind me as I got out of the shower. My hands gripped the counter and I took a good, long look in the mirror. “Get a grip. She’s your roommate.” Don’t lie. She’s a woman. A woman you’re attracted to.
It wasn’t the first time I’d been attracted to another girl who wasn’t Grace, but it was the first time I’d had to physically restrain myself from doing something about it. Avoid her. I could do that. Hell, I’d made it to lunchtime without seeing her, so this couldn’t be too hard.
Then I looked down.
Boom. I’d gone back to living with four sisters. Sam’s rainbow of girl stuff took over half my sink. Shit. Our sink. Okay, maybe avoid wasn’t really going to work as a strategy. But I wasn’t fifteen, and hell, I’d been with Grace then anyway. It wasn’t like I actually liked this girl, I could get over an annoying chemical attraction.
I’d have to treat her like she was one of my sisters. Yeah. A sister. I could do that. But none of my sisters looked like that.
The door swung open. “Oh, I’m sorry!” she squeaked, her arms full of bottles. How much more bathroom stuff did she have? Her eyes sparked, impossibly green, wait, hazel, nope, definitely green, as she skimmed over my body, and given the way her lips parted, she liked what she saw.
My jaw clenched as I ripped my eyes off the line where her short bathrobe met her thighs. This towel was about to— Sister. Think sister. “Knocking is something we should probably make a habit of.”
She blinked rapidly, her eyes rimmed red—why hadn’t I noticed that before?—and backed out of the bathroom. “You’re right. So right.” She shut the door behind her, and I heard a thud in the general area her head would have been.
Damn. I hoped I wasn’t the one to put the tears in her eyes. We were off to a fan-fucking-tastic start.
I didn’t need to shave on a Sunday, so I could get dressed and get out of here…except that I hadn’t brought a change of clothes in with me. I let out a huge breath and counted the ceiling tiles until my body was under control. Looked like Samantha wasn’t the only one who needed to adjust.
The hallway was mercifully empty, and I made it to my room without seeing her, or having to justify that I was now the one who needed to put clothes on.
Clothes, Powerade, and a ham sandwich later, I settled in at the kitchen table with my Apache Helicopter 5&9 flashcards, mentally quizzing myself over fuel pressure limitations.