His entire core clenched miserably.
“I have to go.” He pulled his wallet from his pocket and threw a few bills on the table. He couldn’t look at her. He knew it was wrong, but he had to get out of there. “I’m sorry.” Grabbing his coat from the back of his chair, he headed for the door and stormed out into the night.
* * *
For three days, Logan stewed over Tess’s unbelievable request. The first day, he was upset and a little angry, but by that night he admitted to himself there was no good reason to be angry. How could he be anything other than flattered, really? The anger was misdirected. He was angry at himself, for being a damn coward. Running out on her like that . . . Jesus, what a dick move. He was better than that . . . or at least he thought he was, but he’d hightailed it out of that bistro like he was racing Usain Bolt.
He’d let her down, in more ways than one. He should have handled it so much better. He was ashamed of his knee-jerk reaction. Tess Harrison might be a formidable woman, but he knew it couldn’t have been easy for her to ask him what she had. She made a good case, he had to give her that. But despite her confident voice, level gaze, and regal bearing throughout most of it, her sad eyes and shaking hand at the end were what he couldn’t get out of his mind. Every time he replayed that moment in his mind, he cringed. He hated that he’d hurt her in any way. It’d been fight or flight in its purest, caveman form.
On the second day, he moved to indignation as he reminded himself he owed her nothing. They barely knew each other, right? If she was disappointed, that wasn’t his fault. He’d told her flat out, several times, that he didn’t want a family of his own. He did not want kids. He hadn’t even gone into the depths of his reasons for this, but he’d given her enough background that she’d had to know he’d likely turn her down. Yet there she sat, strikingly beautiful and brave as she listed reasons—many reasons—why she’d chosen him as the man she wanted to help her make a baby. The gravity of that decision humbled him when he thought about it, and by the second night, when he lay in bed unable to sleep, it really hit him. He was honored that any woman, much less a woman like Tess, would think highly enough of him to make such an important, life-changing request. It was astonishing and terrifying at the same time.
By the third day, he thought mainly of Tess herself. What a unique woman she was. He was unbelievably flattered that of all the men she could choose to father her child, she’d thought about it at length and chosen him. Him. She must’ve known men with more money and power, higher educations, equally attractive . . . and, not blinded by love or need, had decided he was the one she wanted to father her child. If that wasn’t the most mind-bendingly flattering, touching thing anyone could ever think of someone, he didn’t know what could top it.
And how had he repaid her lovely desire and bravery in asking? By blowing her off in every way. He hadn’t spoken to her, texted her, not a word to her since he’d walked out on their dinner. If he’d wanted to prove to her he was a total fucking asshole, he was doing a fine job of it, wasn’t he.
She hadn’t tried to contact him either. He didn’t blame her.
But no matter what he did, he couldn’t get her out of his head. He worked every day, he hit the gym, worked some more, watched movies at night . . . but nope, there she was, in his mind. Her presence had infiltrated him, and he couldn’t get away from it . . . from himself.
She even permeated his dreams. Not the occasional steamy, erotic dreams that had him waking up hard and needy. No, these dreams all featured that crushed look that had flickered in her marine-blue eyes before she’d managed to cover. Some dreams, she was at his house, trying to talk to him, with him rebuffing her, trying to get away from her, feeling like shit about it even as he did so. In one dream, she rocked in the rocking chair at his mother’s house, holding a little pink bundle in her arms. When he went over to take a peek at the baby, she glared at him, stood up, and stalked away from him, slamming the door behind her. That one woke him with a start, bathed in sweat. What the hell had that woman done to him?