“No.”
“Jesus Christ, for a smart man, you’re so damn stupid.” She picked up her napkin off her lap and tossed it onto the table in disgust. “Why the hell not? What are you protecting yourself from? The incredible woman who’s obviously in love with you? What is wrong with you?”
“I can’t do this,” he snarled, pushing away from the table. He got to his feet and drew a deep breath, trying to rein in his emotions. He placed his fists on the table and leaned on them. “There’s a lot going on you don’t . . . You don’t understand, Mom.”
“I understand you,” she said. “I understand you’re so afraid of losing someone you care about, you haven’t let yourself get close to anyone since Katrina, since Rachel walked out on you, since all of that. Guess what?” Her stare was unflinching. “I’m dying. I’ll be gone soon. You’re going to lose me.”
“Stop it,” he snapped.
“You’re going to lose me, my sweet boy,” she said. “But you’re going to survive it. Just like you survived everything else. Life goes on. So will you.”
He stared back at her, his heart thumping so hard he thought it might explode out of his chest.
“So . . .” Annmarie rose slowly, eyes still locked on him. “Do you want to live your life, or just survive it? There’s a big difference.”
He felt the blood rush to his face, heard it rush through his ears.
“Being alone isn’t going to spare you heartache, Logan,” she said. “It’s just going to make you even more miserable. Don’t you get that yet? You’re not protecting yourself. You’ve been hiding.”
“I have not,” he said.
“Bullshit. Yes, you were. You were until you met Tess. And boom, you were alive again, for the first time in years.” She shook her head at him. “You lose her, and you’ll lose the best thing that’s ever happened to you. And for what, self-protection? You’re going to live a long, lonely life. Just like I did after your father died. Congratulations.”
He couldn’t move. He stood there and stared at her, heart pounding relentlessly, breath stuck in his lungs.
“Tess can live fine without you,” his mother said. “She’s strong as hell. Stronger than you, my dear boy. And she’s incredible. Beautiful, smart, kind. So tell me something. You think she’ll be alone for long? Because I’m here to tell you: no way. Someone will scoop her up.”
He scowled and scrubbed his hands over his face. It was all true. Nothing he hadn’t thought before, but to hear someone else say it made it sting worse.
Annmarie went to him, her hands lifting to cup his face, over his beard. She looked up into his eyes . . . She seemed smaller. Frail. His heart squeezed over that for the thousandth time. She commanded, “Don’t let her go. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life, Logan. I’m not kidding.”
“She’s already gone, Mom,” he murmured raggedly. “I’ve been pushing her away, and as of last night, I think it finally took.”
Annmarie shook her head. “I’d bet this condo that if you went to her and poured your heart out for once in your stubborn life, you’d get her back.” Her fingers dug into his shoulders, as if she could shake sense into him.
He sighed. There was so much she didn’t understand. Which, of course, was his fault for lying to her in the first place. What a mess. “Don’t worry about me, okay?”
“I’ll worry about you ’til I stop breathing,” she said. “I’m a mother. It’s part of the job description.”
His shoulders lifted in a lifeless shrug. “Sorry about that.”
“Don’t be sorry,” she demanded. “Get your head out of your ass and get Tess back.”
He breathed out a chuckle. “Got a way with words.”
“Logan. Honey . . .” She grabbed his face again, made him look into her eyes. “You deserve to be happy. Do you hear me?”
He nodded, but his throat was too thick to speak.
“I thought you’d stopped punishing yourself for the past, but I see clearly now that you never did. Hear me.” She shook him a little. “You deserve to be happy.”