As the three of them ate, Logan hung back as he usually did, letting the women talk. Tess always cheered his mom up and drew her out of herself; she got her engaged in animated conversation, made her forget her troubles for a short while. He shook his head wryly as he suddenly realized she had the same effect on him.
For days, he’d wrestled with his feelings . . . about dealing with his mother’s mortality, and about his unexpected, unwanted love for Tess. But finally, last night, he’d come to a place of quiet acceptance, and even an uneasy peace. Because it all reminded him of something he’d forgotten when Katrina had hit: Life is short. You have to grab life’s gifts with both hands while you have them.
All this was temporary, a situation that would end. But at least Tess wouldn’t be dead at the end of it, unlike his mother. She’d be thousands of miles away, living her own life, but still. He’d steeled himself into a decision: With both of these women who meant the world to him, he’d make the most of his time with them, limited though it was, as much as he could.
He’d have plenty of time to miss them and hurt over it after they were gone. So while they were still here, he’d embrace it and let himself enjoy being with them, and not get too tied up in the wrenching, bittersweet notion of how finite things were. He had to live in the present moment. It was all any of them had, anyway, really.
Whatever his mom needed or wanted, he’d make sure she had it. Same went for Tess. And he’d be there for them with a smile on his face and love in his heart. He’d deal with the massive crash afterwards . . . and try his best not to dwell on the afterwards part when in their company.
He looked at his mother across the table. This amazing woman had given him everything she had, his entire life. He hoped to return the favor up to her last breath. His brother wasn’t around, and likely wouldn’t come until she was literally on her deathbed to say goodbye. She needed Logan’s strength now. She didn’t need his anguish or fear, she needed his rock-solid support, and she’d get it.
Tess threw back her gorgeous head and laughed at something Annmarie said. She didn’t need to know he loved her. She had very specific needs where he was concerned. The lines had blurred in that he’d never counted on their becoming such good friends. Some moments, it felt like a true partnership in every sense of the word. He knew she cared about him, and he thought she knew he cared about her. But he had to remember her ultimate goal was independence, standing on her own once she had her baby . . . and to love and respect her enough to give her that.
He could do this. He could make his time with both of them meaningful. He could have that much. It would wreck him on the other end, but at least he’d have good memories to hold on to, and with the knowledge that he’d made the days with them count.
Tess threw him a sideways glance, asking without words if he was okay. He grinned softly and winked at her in response. He could do this. He had to.
* * *
Later that afternoon, after a few rounds of poker and Annmarie had dozed off on the couch, Logan helped Tess on with her coat. “Thanks again for coming over,” he said. “She really enjoys spending time with you. And the cookies were a nice touch.”
“Hey, she ate half a bowl of stew,” Tess said as they walked to the door. “She wanted those cookies.”
“Nah, she did that for you.”
“I don’t care why she did it, I’m just glad she did.” She touched his face and dropped her voice to a whisper. “She still seems okay, honey. She’s . . . she’s not dying tomorrow, you know? You still have some time with her.”
“Yes, I do.” He couldn’t help himself, he leaned in to brush his lips against hers. “Thanks for caring.”
“Of course I care.” She stared up at him. “I care very much.”
He couldn’t bear it. So he took her mouth with some slow, sumptuous kisses. “I missed kissing you,” he confessed in a whisper.
“Definitely my favorite perk of the deal,” she said with a grin.
That made something squeeze in his chest. The deal. They were together only because of the deal. Scary how often he forgot that. He pulled back.