If she told him the whole truth, he’d leave. Because what he’d told Carrie, and Tess herself, was his truth: He didn’t do relationships. He’d been hurt too much by his ex-wife, and lost too much after Katrina. So they could be friends as long as he didn’t feel pressured for more, as long as it was the initial deal he’d agreed to.
The last thing she could do is tell him what she’d realized tonight . . . that she was falling in love with him. And as much as his prime directive was not to be tied to anyone, hers was equally clear: She wanted a baby more than anything in the world. More than her own romantic happiness. So she wasn’t willing to jeopardize whatever this was between them. If she told him what she was feeling now, he’d run for the hills like he had when she’d first asked him to be her donor—only this time, he wouldn’t look back. Her own heart, her own feelings and desires, would have to stay on lockdown. Logan felt a bond with her, and that was great. She believed him when he said that she and their friendship were important to him. But he didn’t want to be loved, and he didn’t want anything lasting, and that wouldn’t change.
When he said good night, she pressed her lips together and said nothing, only lifting her hand to give a jaunty little wave as he left her bedroom and closed the door behind him.
Chapter Nineteen
Tess went for a long walk the next morning, trudging up the hiking path along Red Mountain. She had too much swirling inside her head and heart; clear fresh air would be a good balm for that. The sky was crystalline blue and the air frigid. Snow covered the ground, but someone had cleared the narrow hiking path. Probably Logan, she realized. He managed over half of the houses on Red Mountain. A solid, capable, steady man like him was in high demand among the high-end clients.
Logan . . . God help her, she wasn’t just falling in love with him, she was already in love with him. She’d have to call on every trick she’d ever learned about masking her emotions in the boardroom to get through being with him in the bedroom. The easy affection and camaraderie they shared would help; she could still be playful, touch him, tease him . . . but she’d have to be careful about anything more than that seeping through. If he sensed she wanted more, he’d likely end the deal . . . like he had with Carrie.
Tess focused on visualization as she walked. She put her mental energy into thinking of her future baby. She visualized sitting on her couch back at home, cradling her baby in her arms . . . and Logan, sitting with them, smiling. Damn. Even in her mindful fantasies, he made his way into her thoughts.
When she got back to the house, her cell phone light blinked like crazy. She picked it up to see several texts waiting for her. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge first, she drank some down before settling into the sofa. Bubbles leapt up to snuggle her feet as she scrolled through the texts.
One from Carrie. Wow. Hi Tess. I wanted to apologize for last night. I was mad at him, not you. I shouldn’t have sniped at you, and I’m really sorry.
Tess answered immediately. Hi Carrie. I understand completely. Apology accepted. Thanks for reaching out.
To Tess’s surprise, Carrie responded right away. Thank you for being gracious. When I got to work this morning, I saw you already dropped my class. I feel awful. I thought you enjoyed it.
Tess pursed her lips as she thought about it. Then she typed: Yes, I enjoyed it very much. And yes, I dropped it first thing this morning. I thought, for obvious reasons, it was the right thing to do.
Carrie didn’t answer for a minute. Then her text came in. I hope you’ll reconsider, but I understand if you don’t. Either way, I’m sorry about the rude comment. Not my best moment.
I’ll think about it, Tess responded. And again, I do appreciate your apology. We’re good.
Tess sat back, settling deeper into the plush cushions of the couch. Carrie was a good person, and she was glad they’d talked. But was it fair to rejoin her class, and maybe have either of them feel uncomfortable? Probably not. She could take another class with a different instructor.
Next text was from Logan. Good morning. Just thought I’d let you know that my back looks like I got in a fight with a wildcat and lost. Ouch. And hot damn.