"Don't be ridiculous, of course you can stay with us."
Her words tear me out of my stupor, and it's foremost elation that I feell- not about him staying, I'm kind of indifferent about that, but just the fact that her struggle with herself from a few weeks ago seems to be a thing of the past.
She still looks a little hesitant when she glances over to me, though, and I can see that she's starting to regret blurting that invitation out before asking me, yet her words pretty much sum up what I would eventually have come up with myself. And finally my brain kicks into gears again
"Come on in. I'll get the spare blankets from upstairs."
I don't know why I feel like giving them a few minutes of privacy - probably because Jazz looks ready to break down any moment and I don't think he'll appreciate me hanging around for that - but I head upstairs while I grab my phone in passing. I have to admit, my stomach feels a little queasy the longer my mind has to mull over the situation, but just as Bella is quick to overcome any resentments when her friend needs her, I feel like I'm obliged to do the very same. And all things considered, he still is my friend.
Only why it takes me three whole minutes to dial Alice's number is beyond me - she is my friend, and I'm sure that whatever happened between them must have left her a mess - although I get my answer seconds after she picks up.
"Edward? Why are you calling at this ungodly hour, is something wrong?"
Irritation and surprise are warring inside me, and I'm barely able to stop myself from asking her what the fuck is going on. But it's kind of obvious.
No tears in her voice, not even a sniffle, as if there isn't a good reason why I would want to call her dripping all over my living room.
"Ah, nothing, I just remembered I wanted to ask you ..." Ask her what? My mind is blank, so I blurt out the first thing I can think of. "There was a change in shifts at the hospital, I won't be able to make our dinner date this week. Do you mind if we, ah, skip it?"
"Of course not, dufus!" she laughs - actually laughs - then I hear her smack her lips. "I don't know how Bella does it, not getting frustrated with your work hours. But nevermind, it's okay."
"Sure, great," I offer lamely, then finally get my shit back together. I know Alice is the queen of denial sometimes, always was, but I know she won't lie to me outright.
"Everything alright with you?"
"Yeah, why shouldn't it be?"
She even sounds normal, not strained or stressed or close to tears, and that's when I realize that I've been wrong. A moment the betrayal hurts but then my emotional defenses come up, and I force myself not to care. I would have taken her side in this, whatever it is, but if she doesn't want my loyalty, I'm not beyond giving Jasper the benefit of the doubt when I listen to his side of things.
"Don't know, it was just a question. Have a nice evening."
"You too!"
Her chipper tone grates, and even after ending the call I stare down at the phone in my hand until the display winks out. A sound behind me makes me look up, and I find Bella teetering at the door, clearly reluctant to enter the room.
"Alice?"
"Yeah."
Even to me my voice sounds flat, and I can see the resulting worry lines appear on Bella's forehead.
"Are you mad? At me, I mean, for telling Jazz he can stay? But he's looking like shit, and outside it's a nightmare and -"
"I'm not mad at you," I assure her, then fold my arms around her when she steps up to where I'm still sitting on the bed. Burying my face in her stomach I inhale her scent, mixed with the unmistakable note of her arousal and the abundance of lube, while I force myself to calm down.
"It's okay," I finally grunt, then turn my head up so she can see the sincerity on my face. "Of course he can stay, he's our friend, if he needs us he can depend on us. If you're okay with him hanging around, that is."
The flash of relief on her face is priceless, although it disappears after a few moments. When she doesn't say anything else I let go of her, then step up to the closet to get the blankets and pillow stored in the upper compartment.
"Come on, let's find out just what's going on. Because I somehow feel like there's more to this than Jazz and Alice just having a minor disagreement."
Bella shrugs, her face carefully blank, as she follows me out of the room, and after my call with Alice, I can't help feel the same undercurrent of resentment she must be trying so hard to hide.
Chapter 22
While I follow Bella downstairs, my arms laden with the spare blanket, my mind starts dissecting what little information it has received over the last minutes. I'm usually not that slow to catch on but compared to Bella I'm downright sluggish in ridding myself of the level of arousal and frustration that has been clogging my thoughts until now.
Maybe she's just more used to that than I am.
My first reaction at Alice's tone and words has been disbelief - and feeling betrayed that she's lying to me. Now the thought occurs to me that she could be telling the truth, that it is all just a new ploy of Jasper's to seed distrust between Bella and me - but what for? From what I know she's steered clear of him for the last few weeks, that more than anything speaking plainly that she's not on the best of terms with him.
And when I see him hunched over on the couch, his fingers bunching up his wet hair, his eyes red while he's obviously fighting not to break into pieces, I know that this is real and not just a show.
Unlike Bella or me, Jazz is good at telling lies and pretending, but not that good. That I fell for his act once all those months ago has been part of why I've been hating myself so much - if I hadn't been so selfish and lost in my own misery I would have seen right through it. I've known him long enough to see the inevitable signs when I look closely enough, and I don't get a fake feeling from him right now.
Alice is another thing entirely. She's usually on the chipper side but to me she's been sounding way too perky, and too fast to deflect my question. Of course I can't be sure by her voice and words alone, but if I have to take a guess, Jazz is not the one putting on a show. And it hurts inexplicably more that Alice would do this to me now that I've been feeling us reconnect at last.
While I busy myself with dumping the duvet on one of the chairs Bella fires up the coffee maker and hunts down a box of cookies. Inwardly that move is cracking me up - while not a perfect homemaker, Bella does have better manners than I will ever have, and guests normally get food served on platters. The fact that she nearly hits Jazz in the head with the cookies when she throws them in the general direction of the couch speaks of a comfortable familiarity acquired by endless years of knowing each other -
that never fully went away, it seems.
I still wait for Bella to sit down next to Jazz before I take my seat on her other side, farthest away from him but not exactly avoiding him. The fact that it's a conscious decision on my part is telling, but I'm happy the others ignore it. And unless I want to perch on the arm rest it's the only comfortable space on the sofa, anyway.
Jazz dumps sugar seemingly at random into his coffee, then drinks it without adding cream. The liquid must be scalding his tongue but he doesn't seem to notice, and he remains silent, his eyes fixed on the table top, until Bella lets out a soft sigh.
"Wanna tell us what happened?"
He looks up and a multitude of emotions run over his face, too fast for me to really make them out - but the openness of it underlines my guess that he isn't playing any games right now.
"What usually happens, I guess. We had a fight, we both said a lot of things that needed out but that we probably never should have given voice to, and then she told me to pack my things and go, and never come back."
Bella frowns, then indicates his overnight bag and the backpack still sitting by the door.
"And that's all?"
"There weren't really that many things of me in her apartment. Left most of it in the storage space."
Where they went after I kicked him out, but he doesn't say that. Doesn't need to, either.
The realization of how little he had over with her strikes me as strange - it can't be more than a few books and some clothes. I try to remember the last time I've been over at Alice's, but I can't think of many personal belongings of his in sight. And suddenly his phrasing - her apartment -
registers. It doesn't seem as if it has felt like theirs to him for a while to be familiar with the term, casual as his sentence sounds.
Of course I can't really compare our condo here to that as Bella and I have moved in together into the uninhabited space from two separate living units, but even before that there has been the content of three large moving boxes of her stuff at the old house, only a two minutes walk from her studio.
Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but to me it seems as if Jazz has never made an effort to become a permanent fixture in Alice's home - or that she hasn't let him. Either option is just depressing.
"At least it's not all wet now," Bella tries to lighten the mood, but her words sound so hollow, echoing my own sentiments, that she goes on immediately. "Are you hungry? I can whip something up for you quick."
Jazz shakes his head, then stares at the cookies as if they are a bunch of poisonous snakes.
"I'm not hungry, thanks."
Silence falls, becoming awkward fast, and uncomfortable not long after that. I feel like I have to say something, anything, but what can I say that makes a difference?
"You know you can stay here as long as you need to."