My stomach hurts.
Twenty-Four
At lunch we don’t talk about anything much. We all just sort of sit there feeling glum. Sawyer holds his spoon in front of him, staring at it.
“It’s in your spoon?” I ask. He nods. “It’s upside down, though, because of the scientific nature of spoon reflections or whatever.”
Trey grunts like he knows what that’s called, but he doesn’t offer up a term, and I don’t care enough at this moment to put forth the effort to ask. Instead I ask the broken-record question, “Do you see anything new?”
“Actually . . .” Sawyer trails off and keeps looking at the spoon. “Hm.”
I sit up, watching him, and Trey raises an eyebrow.
“It’s weird,” Sawyer says. “My eyes focus on different parts of it than they did before. I think . . . I think . . .”
Roxie and BFF Sarah come up to the table. “Admiring your reflection?” Roxie asks. Her neck scratch is practically gone. Mine are still ugly. They stay hidden under my collar.
Sawyer doesn’t look up, so Roxie sticks her boobs out, being way obvious, and I almost laugh at how stupid it is to do that, like a peacock making sure everybody sees his feathers. Only they’re not beautiful, colorful feathers, they’re just boobs. Trey actually does laugh, in a snorty fashion, and he rolls his eyes. But he can get away with that. He’s a senior. He has nothing to fear from her.
Sawyer turns his head and looks at Roxie’s boobs, seeing as how they’re practically in his face, and, well, because he’s a guy. He wears a slightly bewildered look and then raises his eyes to meet Roxie’s. “Oh, hey,” he mumbles. “What’s up?” He scoots his chair over so he doesn’t actually get an eye poked out, and he glances at me with a worried expression like he thinks I might punch him in the face.
Body language is so interesting, isn’t it? We’re learning about it in Mr. Polselli’s class. I observe. Roxie takes the tiniest step back and her shoulders relax. “Not much. Just haven’t seen you in a while.” The boobs deflate slightly, which makes me stop worrying about one of them accidentally bursting. And neither Roxie nor BFF Sarah so much as glances at me, but they both look at Trey and Sawyer. I smile at Sawyer when he catches my eye, and he relaxes. And it’s weird. I think I’m supposed to be jealous, but I’m not. I don’t think I’m very good at being a stereotypical girl.
“I’ve been pretty busy,” Sawyer says coolly. He shrugs and takes a small bite of his burger. “Attack anyone today?”
“Well, let me tell you,” Roxie says, ignoring his disdain. She shoves her butt against Sawyer in an attempt to get him to slide over so she can share the edge of his chair. He stops chewing, but doesn’t move over, leaving Roxie and her butt hovering weirdly. I just keep watching, and it’s like I’m invisible or something. Like I’m not even there. I glance at Trey, who is now finishing up his lunch and ignoring the girls.
“Can you see me?” I ask him.
He looks. Narrows his eyes. “Only if I squint really hard.”
I nod. “That’s what I thought.”
“It’s kind of a cool superpower, if you ask me. Invisibility.”
“Yeah, you know? You’re right. Right, Roxie?”
No response.
“I don’t think she can hear invisible people,” Trey says.
I shrug. “So that’s two superpowers for me, if you really think about it.”
Trey chugs down the rest of his iced tea and wipes his mouth with his napkin. “I’ll give you that.”
“Thanks.”
“Who’s the other one again?”
I glance up. “That’s BFF Sarah.”
“BFF is her first name?”
“Ah . . . yes. Yes, it is.”
“Interesting.”
“Not much different from a name like J.T. or R.J. or C.J.”
“Except there’s no J.”
“True.”
Sarah turns sharply and frowns at us. “You guys are beyond weird.”
My eyes open wide. “You can see me?”
She shakes her head, disgusted, and tugs at Roxie, who, after being denied, is now leaning over the table, talking to Sawyer about Spring Fling, which is like prom but not really, because it’s only for freshmen and sophomores and it’s lame.
“So you want to go with me?” Roxie asks him. “I got my license. I’ll pick you up.”
“Um . . . Rox . . .”
“It’ll be like old times, you know? We can make out behind the bleachers like when we were a couple.” She’s speaking really loudly. And finally the jealous factor kicks in. And it kicks in hard. Because I don’t know what she’s talking about.
“Roxie, what the heck—” Sawyer begins, and I hear anger in his voice.
I stand up and push my chair back, the heat rising to my face.
Trey touches my arm. “I think we need to just sit and watch this, don’t you?”
BFF Sarah crosses her arms, bored.
Roxie smiles at Sawyer.
Sawyer looks at me, his lips parted, eyes apologetic. “Please don’t go,” he says.
I sit down again. “Yeah,” I say to Trey, “you’re right.”
But I can’t concentrate on what anybody else is saying right now, because all I see is Sawyer and Roxie making out behind the bleachers. And I feel like a stupid fool. Because I thought somehow Sawyer would have waited for me like I waited for him. I thought our first kiss was our first kiss. And it’s not; it was just my first. And even though it’s ridiculous for me to expect that he hasn’t kissed anybody else, because we’re sixteen, for crying out loud, it still makes my throat ache.