“Fuck me.” He ran a hand through his still thick hair. The dark strands were finally starting to turn gray, but despite all the hard living he’d done in his lifetime, he wore his age well. “I get it. I wasn’t the best dad.”
“That’s right—you were fucking horrible.” I wanted to put my fist through a window, or better yet, punch him in the face. To my horror, I felt my throat tighten. “You destroyed my mother.”
“She was an uptight—” He clamped his mouth shut. A good thing, because he was two seconds away from ending up on his ass.
My sadness quickly turned to fury. “She worked three different jobs to keep a roof over my head because you didn’t care enough to pay support. Where the fuck were you all my life?”
He stood slowly. “I told you, I own my part, man. I know it wasn’t easy for you…or for her. She’s a strong woman, and I’m thankful that she raised you right.”
My heart pounded in triple time. “She had to be strong, because she had to support me herself.”
“Say it, man.” He thumped his palm against his chest, like some militant fucking gorilla. “Get it off your chest once and for all.”
I took a step closer to him so I could look him the eye. “All the years I was growing up, I desperately wanted your attention. For you to acknowledge me in any way, other than just calling me on my birthday. Hell, sometimes you didn’t even do that.”
“I had nothing to offer you.”
“All I wanted was you. Just you. I didn’t care about things. I didn’t care about anything but having your time.” My voice actually cracked. I cleared my throat. “Not once did you take the time to wonder what I was doing with my life.”
“That’s not true,” he said, quick to defend himself yet again. “I used to drop by your baseball games.”
“You came once and left within two innings.”
His upper teeth brushed over his lower lip and he sniffed. “I didn’t like seeing that dude act like your father.”
Angry, I didn’t check myself, and blurted, “He was my stepfather, and he was more of a father to me than you have ever been.”
He winced like I’d slapped him. “Wow. There it is. What else do you want to say?”
The blood coursed through my veins, ratcheting up with my anger. “You put yourself before everything and everyone. Where were you my entire life? Oh, that’s right—in a bar somewhere, with some sleazy bitch, getting so wasted you couldn’t see straight. And using what money you do make on toys that don’t make you happy, only to sell them because nothing can fill the endless void that is your life. You know why that is? Because deep down inside, you’re a fucking miserable person.”
The punch came within seconds, and I had half expected it. I didn’t flinch, I took it…right on the jaw.
I touched my jaw, tasting the blood pooling in my mouth. He looked like he couldn’t believe what he’d just done. “I think you should go,” I said, walking toward the door.
He lifted his chin and stared at me hard. For a second I thought he might apologize. “Look at this face long and hard, boy…because it’s the last time you’ll see it.”
My heartbeat was a roar in my ears. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that statement. Was I relieved, or was I terrified? Scared that I had finally shut the door on the only chance I’d had to have my father in my life?
Shaking his head, he walked to the door and stopped short. He took the hundred-dollar bill from his pocket and set it on the table, then shut the door behind him.
My heart was still racing. I removed the phone from my pocket and pulled up my mom’s contact information. My thumb hovered over the dial icon.
Since moving to Texas, she had called me less. Her daily phone calls had gone down to two a week, but I understood. She had a new husband and a new life and was finally experiencing a freedom that most mothers waited eighteen years for.
I might be a grown man, but it was moments like this that I needed to hear her voice. She was the one person I could tell anything to, and she wouldn’t judge me. She’d give me hard to hear advice sometimes, but it always made me feel better.