As Darrell entered his room its dim solitude seemed doubly grateful
after the glare of the crowded rooms he had lately left. His brain
whirled from the unusual excitement. He wanted to be alone with his own
thoughts--alone with this new, overpowering joy, and assure himself of
its reality. He seated himself by an open window till the air had cooled
his brow, and his brain, under the mysterious, soothing influence of the
night, grew less confused; then, partially disrobing, he threw himself
upon his bed to rest, but not to sleep.
Again he lived over the last few weeks at The Pines, comprehending at
last the gracious influence which, entering into his barren, meagre
life, had rendered it so inexpressibly rich and sweet and complete. Ah,
how blind! to have walked day after day hand in hand with Love, not
knowing that he entertained an angel unawares!
And then had followed the revelation, when the scales had fallen from
his eyes before the vision of lovely maiden-womanhood which had suddenly
confronted him. He recalled her as she stood awaiting his tardy
recognition--recalled her every word and look throughout the evening
down to their parting, and again he seemed to hold her in his arms, to
look into her eyes, to feel her head upon his breast, her kisses on his
lips.
But even with the remembrance of those moments, while yet he felt the
pressure of her lips upon his own, pure and cool like the dewy petals
of a rose at sunrise, there came to him the first consciousness of pain
mingled with the rapture, the first dash of bitter in the sweet, as he
recalled the question in her eyes and the half-whispered, "I wondered if
there might have been a 'Kathie' in the past."
The past! How could he for one moment have forgotten that awful shadow
overhanging his life! As it suddenly loomed before him in its hideous
blackness, Darrell started from his pillow in horror, a cold sweat
bursting from every pore. Gradually the terrible significance of it all
dawned upon him,--the realization of what he had done and of what he
must, as best he might, undo. It meant the relinquishment of what was
sweetest and holiest on earth just as it seemed within his grasp; the
renunciation of all that had made life seem worth living! Darrell buried
his face in his hands and groaned aloud. So it was only a mockery, a
dream. He recalled Kate's words: "I hardly dare go to sleep for fear I
will wake up and find it all a dream," and self-reproach and remorse
added their bitterness to his agony. What right had he to bring that
bright young life under the cloud overhanging his own, to wreck her
happiness by contact with his own misfortune! What would it be for her
when she came to know the truth, as she must know it; and how was he to
tell her? In his anguish he groaned,-"God pity us both and be merciful to her!"