They went home to Stafford's room. Howard was hot with the enthusiasm
of admiration, and with the effort to suppress it; for nowadays men do
not tolerate praise even from their dearest friend. It seemed to Howard
as if Stafford's act of renunciation had brought him a certain sense of
relief, as if some portion of the heavy weight had been lifted from his
heart.
"Of course now we have to go into a committee of ways and means, my
dear Staff; you won't mind my asking you what you're going to do? I
need not say that there is no need for any precipitate action.
I--er--the fact is, Staff, I have a sum of money lying at the bank
which absolutely annoys me by its uselessness. The bank manager has
been bothering me about it for some time past, and it was such a
nuisance that I thought of tossing him whether he should take or I. It
isn't much--a man doesn't amass a large fortune by writing leaders for
the newspapers and articles for reviews--but of course you wouldn't be
so mean as to refuse to borrow what there is. I'm very much afraid that
you'll suffer by this absurdly quixotic action of yours, which, mind
you! though I admire it, as I admire the siege of Troy, or the battle
of Waterloo, is a piece of darned foolishness. However, let that go!
What do you mean to do?"
"I don't know yet," said Stafford. He didn't thank Howard for the
offer; no thanks were necessary. "The thing is so sudden that I have
not made any plans. I suppose there's something I can do to earn my
living. I've no brains, but I'm pretty strong. I might drive a hansom
cab or an omnibus, better men than I have done worse. Leave me alone,
old man, to have a pipe and think of it." Howard lingered for an hour
or two, for he felt that though Stafford had dismissed him, he had need
of him; and when he had gone Stafford took his hat and went out. He did
not call a hansom, but walked on regardless of his route, and lost in
thought. Something of the weight that had crushed him had been lifted
from his heart: he was penniless, the future stretched darkly before
him with a darkness through which there appeared no road or sign of
light; but he was free. He would not be compelled to go to the altar,
there to perjure himself with an oath to love and cherish one woman
while he loved another. I am afraid he did not feel much pity for
Maude, simply because he did not realise how much she cared for him.