Did he just shudder? Great.
“Every ascension is different. You can’t compare the two.”
“Try me.”
“You don’t want to know.”
“Yeah. I do. I need answers, Warrior.”
His gaze snapped to hers then back to the on-ramp. When he’d merged into the light early-morning traffic, he said, “Well, I was a wild beast, full of rage. I still am when I think about what happened. The death vamps raped and drained my wife, Marta, my mortal wife, my first wife. She was dead before I found her. My son Evan, not a month old, was fussing in his cradle but alive.
“My ascension involved abandoning my son that same day. Once I completed the ceremony, I went on a rampage, killing and then more killing until I’d found every last one of those bastards who had essentially destroyed my family.”
Alison felt the depth of his pain. He remembered those days or weeks as though they were yesterday. A wife raped, a son abandoned. Jesus. “You ever wish it undone? Your ascension?”
He nodded. “I would undo it for Evan’s sake. I hate that I left him. I still think about him, hurt for him, wish I’d thought of him instead of my need for vengeance. I think abandonment is one of the worst things you can do to a child. You don’t have children, do you?”
Alison shook her head, even laughed. “Not possible.”
“You mean you can’t have children?”
She glanced at him. “As far as I know I can. I was referring to the power thing I was talking about earlier. Every year, my power kept getting stronger, and by the time I was in my late twenties, well, I couldn’t be with a man anymore, not without … causing damage.”
“I’m not surprised,” he murmured.
Alison needed to change the subject … fast. “If I ascend, do I have to leave my family behind? Is that one of the rules?”
“Every ascender’s situation is different. Some are happy to leave Mortal Earth and never look back. Those who want to sustain the connection to loved ones face a variety of dilemmas. For one thing, every visit requires a pass, as well as counseling.
“The greater dilemma becomes the nature of immortality. Once ascended, you have the potential of living forever. Each day that passes in which you do not age creates a problem for your family, your friends on Mortal Earth. As the decades wear on eventually a separation becomes not just necessary but sensible. And of course, there’s always the matter that we keep our world hidden from mortals, hence the counseling.”
Alison couldn’t imagine saying good-bye forever to her parents, to her brother, to Joy, to little T. J., even to Joy’s husband, Ryan. Her heart ached just thinking about it.
“Hey,” he said quietly. “The best thing to do is to take this one step at a time. Let’s get you ascended first.”
She nodded, staring straight ahead. “Good idea.”
After a few minutes, as he merged onto the 51 now heading north, the more pressing aspects of her current predicament shook the foundations of her mind all over again. A shiver rolled through her. “So,” she ventured into the stillness, “what are the odds I’m even going to make it through the night?”
“I’m right here,” Kerrick said. “It’s my job to see you through this. The warriors will help. And Endelle.”
She thought of Darian, of having counseled him for the past year. What had he meant by it, by being in such close proximity to her all that time but not lifting a finger against her? It didn’t make sense.
“Why didn’t Darian—the Commander—take my life when he had the chance? I saw him every week for a year.”
His thumbs once more drummed the steering wheel. “Again, we have certain rules we have to abide by. An ascender isn’t fair game until he or she has answered the call to ascension. Endelle would have had the right to demand a trial to prosecute Greaves if he’d harmed you. But that law works both ways. Endelle, all of us, have to be careful how we do our jobs.”
He scowled. “But I’ll tell you what I really don’t get. Do you see that car in front of us? That’s a BMW M3 with a four-liter, V-8 engine, some of the best handling in the world, and the driver is going fifty-two fucking miles an hour!”
The warrior next to her was irritated at how a mortal drove a car?
Alison jerked forward and laughed, which helped a lot. In this moment, the vampire next to her seemed so, well, normal.
Warrior Kerrick, however, was not amused. “You think that’s funny?” He changed lanes, sped by the BMW as fast as he could in a car that started to shake. He eased back to fifty-five so that her Nova could relax.
“I take it you’re not the patient type, are you?”
“I have no patience for someone driving a car that could easily fly at a hundred miles an hour.”
Alison shrugged. “Think about it, Warrior. At this hour of the morning, the driver could easily be drugged out or drunk off his ass. Slower would be better.”
He grunted but still wore his scowl.
“Okay. You’ve told me a lot of bad stuff about Second Earth. So now tell me what’s so great about ascension? I’m not exactly feeling the love.”
When he didn’t speak right away, she shifted to look at him. “Having a hard time answering the question?”
Once more his head wagged and his thumb tapped the steering wheel. “It’s just been so long since I’ve stopped to think about it. Well, you’ll never have to worry about gum disease.”
“What?” She barked her laughter.
“Hey. It can be a real issue.” But a smile played at the edges of his mouth. “We don’t have diseases on Second. It’s awesome. No tooth decay or hangnails or goddamn cancer. You can smoke ’til you puke and you’ll never get sick. We don’t age. When we get a cut or a bruise, we heal fast. We’re not completely immortal, though. Decapitations will end a life, strangulation, explosions.”
“Terrific.”
He shrugged, as in, Get used to it. But he continued, “And you’ll never see more beautiful gardens than on Second. Horticulture is the highest form of art.”
“Huh. Sort of like the Garden of Eden.”
“Pretty close, but with paled-out, blue-tinged death vampires just to keep things interesting.”
Her turn to shrug. “There’s always a stinger on one of the insects.”
He glanced at her then looked away. “What else? Oh … God … spectacle. If you like a good fireworks display, or flags, or squadrons of DNA-altered geese or swans, you’ll think you’ve died and gone to heaven. If there’s a chance to celebrate in an open-air arena or outdoor amphitheater, Second will proclaim a goddamn holiday. Think Cirque du Soleil meets Beijing.”
She narrowed her eyes. “So when was the last time you attended a spectacle?”
Once more his eyes stared out unblinking.
“That’s what I thought. You need to have more fun, Warrior.”
Apparently this was not the right thing to say. His jaw worked back and forth like he intended to pulverize his molars. “I’m usually a little busy at night…” The air in the car cooled about twenty degrees. “And I sleep during the day.”
She couldn’t help herself. “In a coffin?”
“Oh, you’re hilarious, ascendiate.”
But Alison laughed.
Okay. So that was something she could work on—Kerrick needed to loosen up.
But even as the thought sped through her brain she stopped herself. What was she thinking? Oh, she knew what she was thinking. The vampire next to her was some really awesome boyfriend material. Given the nature of his life right now, how great would it be to lighten him up a little, give him some ease?
Okay, so she was way ahead of herself.
She decided to switch the subject. “Tell me more about Madame Endelle—a name, by the way, that makes me think of a psychic you’d find working her trade in downtown Phoenix, or Sedona, maybe.”
He chuckled. “I think you’re right.” But then he frowned. “Endelle is complicated. The thing is, she’s a real piece of work but I’d give my life for her. She’s the Supreme High Administrator of Second Earth and she’s basically sacrificed everything to keep this world in order. She’s been around a very long time, more than nine millennia.”
She whipped back to stare at him. “Nine thousand years?” Her breath caught in her throat and once more she felt dizzy.
“Why not?” he asked. “If I exist, if you exist with all your unbelievable powers, why not immortality?”
“You’re right. Of course.” But she felt like she’d taken a serious blow to the head.
“Her name is interesting. Endelle. She’s also known as She Who Would Live. Both names reflect her birth name. The only person who can pronounce the original version is Thorne. It involves three clicks or something. Every once in a while I’ll hear him let loose with it and think a cricket climbed into his mouth.”
She just looked at him. She knew he meant to distract her with his innocuous explanation of Endelle’s name, but for some reason nine thousand years had sunk her. Her chest folded up a little more.
“You said a decision is involved. So this means I can still choose not to ascend.”
He kept glancing at her, probably debating just how much he should say. Finally, he said in a quiet voice, “Theoretically, you can decline. With your level of power, however, the Commander won’t let you go very easily, if at all.”
“Oh.”
She felt a sudden pressure on her mind. She glanced at Kerrick and knew he wanted inside her head, not just mere telepathic conversation, but that deep kind of mind-engagement he’d talked about earlier.
She didn’t debate long. After all, he ought to know the level of her confusion. Nine thousand years. Vampires. She suddenly felt like she was swimming underwater. Even her hearing seemed distorted, so she let him in.
When he dipped inside her mind, however, it was the strangest sensation, a powerful connection that made her gasp.