Zane followed Ty down the stairs to the smaller of the two cabins. There was what appeared to be a queen-size bed tucked into the room, with wooden steps on either side to climb into it. Ty stuffed their bags onto a shelf that circled the bow-shaped room, then looked at Zane and smiled, albeit uncomfortably. He rubbed his hands up and down the material of his jeans just below the pockets, a nervous habit he only displayed when he couldn’t find anything else to do with his hands.
“He’s a decent guy, isn’t he?” Zane asked, dejected.
“Zane.”
“I really want to hate him.”
“So hate him. You have every right. Being drunk is never an excuse to do stupid shit. You’ll have to hate me too, though, ’cause I was there and I kissed him back.”
The words hit Zane in the chest like a sledgehammer. He stared at Ty until he realized that he wasn’t breathing and he cleared his throat. His voice was flat when he spoke. “Really.”
Ty let out a pent-up breath, his shoulders slumping as he looked away from Zane, unable to meet his eyes.
“Did you like it?” Zane asked, his voice going lower, full of barely repressed anger that he was surprised to hear.
“Zane, come on, what’s the point in that?” Ty asked, sounding frustrated and angry and possibly a little scared by the question.
Zane narrowed his eyes to scrutinize his lover. Ty had his lips pressed into a thin line and was staring at him with his hands on his hips, his eyes unreadable.
“Yeah,” he answered, spitting out the word. “A little.”
Zane couldn’t help the twisting sensation in his chest. He didn’t want to think about that, and he certainly didn’t want his very active imagination providing him with any visuals. He pressed his lips together hard and looked up at the low ceiling to let out a long breath. “I kind of wish I hadn’t asked.”
“I kind of wish I had lied,” Ty said in a soft voice.
Zane shook his head. Ty stepped up to him, hesitant, as if he thought Zane might rebuff him. He reached out and touched Zane’s cheek, stepping closer to brush his lips against Zane’s chin.
Zane closed his eyes. Ty was being just as brutally honest as he always was, even if it hurt him and even if it hurt Zane. There was something comforting in that. It didn’t wipe away the knowledge that Nick O’Flaherty was in love with Ty and had been for years or that Ty had shared and enjoyed a kiss with him.
Zane set his forehead against Ty’s cheekbone, letting his hands slide around Ty and pull him closer.
“Zane,” Ty whispered, uncertainty clouding his voice.
“I know. It’s okay. I just hate that you’re so close to him.”
Ty jerked his head and pulled back. Zane let him go. “I haven’t spoken to him since he left Baltimore, Zane. I used to talk to him at least once every day, even if it was just a random text, but that’s stopped. He’s leaving me alone out of respect for you, for us, and I have to tell you, baby, I miss him.”
Zane snorted in annoyance.
“But if that’s what you need, I’ll do it. Do you understand? I’ll do anything you need me to do. Because I have never felt like this about anything, and I’m terrified of screwing up and losing it.”
Zane held his breath, meeting Ty’s eyes. “He’s your best friend, Ty.”
“If it’s you or him, there’s no question who I’ll choose.”
Zane was ashamed of the effect those words had on him. He felt like doing the Snoopy dance around the room. Instead, he said: “I don’t want that.”
Ty nodded. “Let it sit for a while. Okay? Let’s just live through this first.”
“Yeah,” Zane murmured, though his eyes were drawn up, to where Nick still was.
Ty was silent. Finally, he swallowed hard and shook his head. “I know you’re worried. Nick knows me pretty well. I think you’d probably have to go to Deuce to find someone who knows me better.” He looked up, as if measuring his words. “He knows what love means to me, when he’s not drunk off his ass like we were that night. It never should have happened, and he knows it.”
Zane had to deal with both a little spot of relief—that Nick knew better than to push—and a small spark of pain at the same time. It was true: he didn’t know Ty as well as Deuce or Nick. Zane allowed himself a melancholy moment. Sometimes it seemed that Ty could read his mind, but Zane was still fighting through gauze when it came to Ty.
“They’ve known you a lot longer than I have,” he said. “A lot of history there I’m not connected to.”
“Stop it,” Ty said gently. His voice was warm and affectionate, and his fingers slid up and down Zane’s arm as he stepped closer and wrapped Zane up in a hug.
Zane huffed but smiled against Ty’s shoulder. He liked that Ty knew him so well. It was like a splash of cold water to the face every time he started to sink into thinking he was a mystery. “So tell me something.”
“Anything,” Ty said in a low whisper. Just like the first time he’d answered with that, months ago in a tent, Zane’s stomach did a happy flip. He steeled himself to ask the only thing he could think of just then.
“How the hell does Nick afford this boat?”
Ty’s fingers came to a stop, and he seemed to be holding his breath as the muscles against Zane’s body tightened. Then he sighed and relaxed again, his fingers dragging against Zane’s neck as he stepped away.
“Come on, Ty, this isn’t city cop salary stuff. This isn’t even saving every dime he made in the Marines and eating Ramen noodles every meal.”
“It’s his home, it’s where he lives. You ever asked yourself how I afford a historic row house in the middle of Fell’s Point?”
“Not really,” Zane said with a frown. “I always figured you were just really adept at not spending money.”
“Jesus, Zane,” Ty said with a laugh.
“You never buy anything, you never have anything extravagant,” Zane continued, mumbling as he began to feel sort of stupid for never wondering about it. “How can you afford it?”
Ty shook his head, looking up as if he could see the deck above them. He met Zane’s eyes again before turning away. “I’m going to bed.”
“Ty, come on.”
Ty picked up the nearest pillow and chucked it at him. Zane caught it and threw it back. “You brought it up.”
“It was a payoff, all right? When they kicked us out of the Marines, they had to make sure we wouldn’t go crying to the press, so they paid us a lump sum and sent us on our way.”