“Yes.” I hadn’t realized it myself until then, but the answer was yes. I hadn’t lost my mom. She was still with me. She wasn’t ever going to leave me.
“Good. Not that I don’t love having him around, but he’s been at the house almost every night. You know it’s bad when he’s choosing to spend that much time with me and not staying at the fraternity, or with you, who he really wants to see.”
“You make it sound like he doesn’t want to hang out with his brother. I know that’s not true.”
He patted my hand again before pulling away. “I’m not throwing my brother under the bus, but no one wants to spend time with a brain-injured person. Trust me. You’ve seen me on some good days. For a while I can put up a good front. Wait one more hour and you’ll see the real Colton. I’m not a picnic anymore.”
My throat swelled. “Don’t talk like that.”
“It’s true.” He tried to smile. He failed. “We’re like walking zombies that don’t want to eat people. It wears on a normal person. Caden will never admit it, but I know it’s hard on him to see me like this.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I rested my head on his shoulder. It felt right, being there on that bench with him. We were both waiting for someone we loved to come.
“Summer?”
Kevin stood a few feet away, holding a girl’s hand. He frowned at me, and my gaze lifted over his shoulder. Caden was coming back. I could see him weaving through the crowd, his eyes on me. A group of waiting customers moved aside for him, and he was here. His eyes found mine. It was time. I started to stand, and then the patio and crowds of people started swimming around. Stars began blinking at me, and everything went dark.
I fainted.
I heard beeping when I woke, then saw the hospital gown. There were tubes going into my arm, and an ID bracelet around my wrist. The next things I noticed were in this order: the putrid smell of anxiety and sickness, that my body ached everywhere, and that there was a hand holding on to mine.
I looked up and could hear heaven’s doors opening, along with a choir singing alleluia. Caden sat next to me, his eyes closed, and his head resting on my bedrail.
I almost didn’t want to move. He looked too beautiful to wake. I just wanted to sit and enjoy, but holy fuck my throat was killing me.
“Agh!” I croaked out, suddenly feeling nauseous.
Caden lifted his head, his eyes opening. Oh yes. So dark and chocolatey and yummy. It helped with some of the nausea. Some. Not all. My stomach still rumbled, and I pressed a hand to it.
“What happened?” Wait. I remembered. “I passed out?”
“Yeah.” He stared at me intently, before leaning forward and brushing my hair from my forehead. His touch was so tender. “You haven’t been eating. You haven’t been drinking enough fluids. You haven’t been sleeping enough, and according to Kevin, you’re barely going to classes.” His lips formed a thin, disapproving line. “What were you thinking? I had no idea you were this bad. You’re not taking care of yourself.”
I beamed at him. More of my nausea was going away. “I’ve missed you too.”
He softened, sitting back and shaking his head. “I about lost it when you fainted at the restaurant. Colton caught you enough that you landed on the bench. Then you almost rolled and hit the floor.”
“But you caught me?”
“Your stepbrother caught you.” He laughed. “Never thought I’d be grateful to that ass, but I am. You almost hit your head.”
“I thought fainting was all graceful and feminine.”
“It’s not. It’s stupid and dangerous.” He leaned close again, gripping my hand tightly. “Especially when it could’ve been avoided.” He breathed out, the lines around his mouth relaxing. “Fuck, Summer. You could’ve been seriously hurt. Why haven’t you been taking care of yourself?”
It was my turn to swear. “Are you fucking kidding?”
“Because of me?” He looked pained. “I didn’t mean to do this to you. I didn’t…it killed me to be away from you. I thought I was doing the right thing. I really did.”
“You were.” I squeezed his hand. “I needed time, and I didn’t waste it. I’m with my mom every day. I can feel her, and I know I won’t shove those feelings back down. I don’t want to. I love her so much, and I miss her so much. It was unbearable before. I found a way to cope, by ignoring it, but not anymore. I need to remember now. I don’t feel whole if I don’t, so I’m good. I really am.” I smiled. “And just to be clear here, you do want to continue having sex with me?”
He barked out a laugh, tracing a hand over my forehead again. He cupped the side of my face. “I want more than that. I want it all. You. Your laugh.” He pressed a kiss to the side of my mouth. “Your random idiocy that I find hilarious.” A kiss to the other side. “Your kindness.” He moved down to my throat. “Your strength.” The other side of my throat.
I was buzzing here. Totally buzzing.
His hand slid down, lingering on my chest between my breasts.
I tugged the nightgown down. I needed to do what I could to help him cop a feel.
He leaned over and pressed a kiss where his hand was.
My blood was more than buzzing. It was almost boiling.
“Your love, even when it’s not deserved,” he added, He lifted his head, his eyes finding mine. “I want you.” His eyes grew serious as he hovered above me. “I love you, completely and whole-heartedly. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”