There was an air in the hospital. It didn’t extend to other patients or visitors, but I’d felt it with Caden, with the nurse, the doctor, and I saw it hanging over Marcus now. It enveloped him like a blanket he didn’t want, and I realized what it was. Finally.
A secret.
There was a feeling that whatever had happened with Colton, it was wrong. Like it was shameful. They couldn’t properly grieve whatever had happened because it shouldn’t have happened.
I didn’t like the feeling.
I felt suffocated and paralyzed all in the same moment, and if I was feeling that way, I wept for the ones who had really been hurt by whatever this was.
I heard myself ask, wincing as I did, “What happened to your brother?”
No. I closed my eyes. I shouldn’t ask. It was Colton’s secret to tell, but I wanted to know. I felt I could help better if I knew. I’d know the right things to say. I think…
“You don’t know?”
“I haven’t asked. I was trying to be considerate.”
“Oh.” He paused, pain evident on his face, and then he shrugged. “Caden will never tell you because he’s big on that. If it happened to him, he wouldn’t want anyone to know, but Colton won’t care if I tell you. He was never secretive like that. Hell, he’d probably love you. Did you meet him? Was he awake?”
“I didn’t meet him. I stayed in the hallway when Caden went in.”
“For fuck’s sake.” Marcus rolled his eyes. “That’s ridiculous. Colton would’ve made some lame joke about dressing better if he’d known he was going to meet you, or something stupid like that. And he would’ve laughed, thinking he was so funny. He would’ve wanted to meet you. Caden should’ve taken you in.”
“The nurse said it was family only. She was watching.”
“Oh.” He jerked up a shoulder. “Whatever. I still think it’s bullshit. Caden could’ve at least told you.”
And yet, he wasn’t telling me either.
He doesn’t want to. The reason he wasn’t telling me was probably the same reason he hadn’t ventured past the front lobby.
I ignored his gruff exterior and said, “Caden was going to talk to the doctor, then fill out some paperwork. He thought he’d be able to leave after that. I came out here to wait for him.”
Marcus had gone back to looking out the window, but now he regarded me again. I saw fear buried deep in his eyes, past the annoyance and anger.
I spoke to that emotion when I added, “You should go now, if you want to go. I won’t say anything.”
“What?” he sputtered, the annoyed and angry Marcus flaring up before he quieted himself. The scared Marcus then hung his head. “Thank you, Summer.”
I nodded.
He stood, and I reached for his hand, giving it a small squeeze before letting go. He paused. I didn’t look up, but I felt his surprise at that small gesture, and a second later, he left without a word.
Twenty minutes later, Caden came over and touched my shoulder. “You ready?”
I stood, trying to look bright and bushy-tailed for him, but as his own grin slipped, I knew my act wasn’t convincing.
“Sorry,” I murmured. “I’ve been told recently that I’ll never win an Oscar.”
“I don’t care.” He rested an arm around my shoulders, pulling me against his side. “Thank you for coming, and staying.”
My throat tightened, and I nodded again. “Of course.”
I expected us to leave, but when he didn’t move, I glanced up.
He was looking at the coffee cup on the windowsill. Marcus had left it behind. I tensed, not wanting to lie, but then Caden cleared his throat.
“Mind if we go back to my place and sleep ’till we leave this afternoon?”
My hand lifted to link with his. I held tight. I could miss a couple classes. I’d get the lecture notes later. “That sounds amazing.”
He never mentioned the coffee cup, but I knew he knew.
And for that reason, my heart ached even more.
“Colton tried to kill himself.”
Caden and I were in his bed. The dawn was just sneaking through the bedroom window. It trickled through the crack in his curtains, and we’d just gotten to his place. I’d thought Caden would fall asleep right away, but I knew now I wasn’t alone in laying here, staring at the ceiling.
His words struck me deep, where only memories of my mom resided.
“Caden.” I looked at him, my head rolling over on the pillow. He was staring up, like I had been, and I had no other words. I reached for his hand, linking our fingers together. “I’m sorry.” My voice was a whisper.
“He was in a fight two years ago. A stupid fucking fight,” he said. His fingers curled around mine. “Colton was on the Ivy League track. Not me. Not Marcus. It was Colton who wanted to be in this fraternity. He wanted to follow in our dad’s footsteps. He was planning on one day taking over the company, but he was leaving track practice one night, and that ended everything. And it was so fucking stupid. It was one of his friends. Can you believe that? One of his own goddamn fucking friends. They thought it’d be funny to try out these new helmets. They told Colton to put one on, and they whacked him with a bat. Twice.”
His hand gripped mine so hard. Our fingers were both white.
I didn’t say a word.
“The helmets were defective. They weren’t properly lined, so he wasn’t protected. He suffered a brain injury, and he’s never been the same since.”