"You must understand," said he, "it's not love. I've been in

love, but it's not that. It's not my feeling, but a sort of

force outside me has taken possession of me. I went away, you

see, because I made up my mind that it could never be, you

understand, as a happiness that does not come on earth; but I've

struggled with myself, I see there's no living without it. And

it must be settled."

"What did you go away for?"

"Ah, stop a minute! Ah, the thoughts that come crowding on one!

The questions one must ask oneself! Listen. You can't imagine

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what you've done for me by what you said. I'm so happy that I've

become positively hateful; I've forgotten everything. I heard

today that my brother Nikolay...you know, he's here...I had even

forgotten him. It seems to me that he's happy too. It's a sort

of madness. But one thing's awful.... Here, you've been

married, you know the feeling...it's awful that we--old--with a

past... not of love, but of sins...are brought all at once so

near to a creature pure and innocent; it's loathsome, and that's

why one can't help feeling oneself unworthy."

"Oh, well, you've not many sins on your conscience."

"Alas! all the same," said Levin, "when with loathing I go over

my life, I shudder and curse and bitterly regret it.... Yes."

"What would you have? The world's made so," said Stepan

Arkadyevitch.

"The one comfort is like that prayer, which I always liked:

'Forgive me not according to my unworthiness, but according to

Thy lovingkindness.' That's the only way she can forgive me."




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