PROLOGUE
MEADOW
I’m not broken, just defeated.
The wind whips my face as I lower my head, staring down at the water below me. My heart clenches, and my entire body is trembling. The sick feeling in my stomach can’t be described. My skin is covered in a fine sheen of sweat, and my heart is pounding. Tears leak from the corners of my eyes, and I know they’re likely the last tears I’ll ever shed. The thought doesn’t even scare me; it brings me comfort.
I’m going to jump.
I don’t really remember the moment when I ended up here, but it creeped up upon me so quickly it was like a hurricane. I knew my life wasn’t ideal, but more often than not, I dealt with it. Then I began dating, and my heart got broken, and things just spiraled downwards. Without a mother to support me, I quickly crumbled. My father, while loving, is always so busy with his life. He didn’t notice me sinking.
Depression snuck upon me, slowly eating me away until nothing seemed beautiful anymore. I no longer looked at trees and saw their beauty, or found happiness in the smallest of life’s delicacies. Nothing was pretty. Nothing meant anything anymore. I was empty, and slowly but surely, that emptiness consumed me until I ended up here.
Alone.
My fingers tremble as I climb over the railing of our local bridge. It’s quiet tonight, because the small town we live in has their annual bash going on, and no one is out. I picked the perfect night. The wind is non-existent, and I can hear the distant hum of beetles in the trees. That’s the last sound I’ll hear.
I swallow, and begin to cry harder as I climb over the railings, and clutch them. It only takes a second to let go; yet it takes so much more to get to this point.
I feel my body begin to sway as I begin to heave.
This is it.
My freedom.
“What the fuck are you doin’, Cricket?”
That voice. I close my eyes, so sure it can’t be real. I haven’t heard that voice since I was twelve years old. I slowly turn my head, and blink through my tears to see Axel Wraithe standing on the other side of the road, staring at me, cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He’s not a young man anymore; instead, he’s grown into an older, far more handsome version. I blink again, making sure I’m seeing this correctly.
“Axel?” I rasp.
He drops his cigarette, and walks across the road, stopping behind me. “I’ll ask again, Cricket, what the fuck are you doin’?”
I should just let go. It would be quick, and he wouldn’t be able to stop me. I don’t want him talking me out of this. He’ll never understand why I’m here. He left a long time ago, when he and my father had a falling out. He never came back to visit, and he never called. I adored him once, not in the romantic kind of way, hell I was only twelve, but as a friend. When he left, I began to fade.
I don’t answer his question because I can’t. Even though I’m sobbing, my throat is dry and scratchy. I keep my gaze on the water below, and I know I have to let go. If I don’t do it now, then he’ll talk me out of it and then leave. Where will that leave me? I can’t put myself through the pain any longer. I can’t do it. I don’t want to have to answer to him, or anyone, again.
I let go.
I begin to fall, and my heart feels like it’s going to leap out of my mouth. A strangled scream leaves my throat. I can’t swim. I know I can’t swim. It’s why I chose the deepest water I could find under the highest bridge.
It takes only seconds for me to hit that deep, never-ending water. I land so hard, and my entire body stings all over. I open my mouth to scream again only to have it fill with water.
I choke, and my arms and legs flail around. I’m suddenly desperate. People often wonder if those who commit suicide question themselves right at the moment before they die. I realize, some of them probably do. My body is filled with panic, and the desperate need to surface. My lungs are screaming, and my body is becoming weak, but I start kicking frantically. It’s at that moment I realize . . .
I don’t want to die.
My vision begins to blur as my arms slowly lose all their movement. My body sinks lower, and my lungs no longer hurt. I feel...peaceful. Maybe this was the best choice. Maybe this is where I’m meant to be. My eyes close as I sink further and further down into the darkness. I don’t feel scared anymore.
Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.
~*~*~*~
Heavy hands press down onto my chest over and over, pumping. My head spins when it’s lifted, and a mouth is shoved against mine, breathing into my aching lungs. I begin to cough so badly I struggle breathe through it. My body is jerked upward, and I throw up until I’m dry-heaving. Everything aches, and my head is pounding. I open my eyes, and blink rapidly. My vision isn’t great as I try to take in my surroundings.
“Keep breathin’, Cricket. Don’t you close those eyes again.”
Axel?
I slowly remember how I ended up here, and I begin to panic. I gasp for air, and grip anything I can for comfort. Axel’s shirt is what I take hold of. It’s wet beneath my fingers. As my vision begins to clear I look up at him, and I realize he’s soaking wet. He came in after me. He saved my life?
“Why did you save me?” I croak.
He wraps his big arms around me, holding onto me tightly.
“Why did you jump?”
“I can’t answer that,” I whisper, feeling his body beginning to warm my skin.
“Then neither can I,” he murmurs into my hair.