“Her death wasn’t your fault.” It was a truth that had been very hard come by for Maddie.
She’d blamed her dad for so long, but one of the first breakthroughs she’d made with her therapist was the realization that Helene Archer had been responsible for her own choices.
“Wasn’t it?”
“No.”
He didn’t look like he agreed.
“Do you think Mom went racing because she didn’t love me enough to want to be around to raise me?” Maddie asked.
Her dad went pale with shock, his eyes dilating, his mouth going slack for a second before he nearly shouted, “No, of course not. She adored you, Madison. You must know that.”
“But she still went racing on the water at night.”
“Not because of you.”
“And not because of you, either.”
“But—”
“Mom was an adult woman who suppressed normal caution for the adrenaline spikes that made her feel alive.” The fact it had the side effect of gaining her the attention she craved only made her mom’s adventures doubly irresistible to her.
“You sound like a psychologist.”
“A degree in early childhood development has its share of psych courses.” Maddie wasn’t telling Jeremy about her sessions with a therapist.
She wasn’t ashamed of seeing Dr. MacKenzie, but Maddie didn’t trust her father enough to share the more private parts of her life with him. Not even this new and improved Jeremy. She didn’t know how deep the changes went or how long they would last.
Her dad’s eyes—the same shade as her own, but without the vulnerability she saw in the mirror when she was alone—flickered with something between speculation and curiosity.
“Speaking of your mother,” he said in a more familiar tone that revealed no emotion.
“Yes?”
“You and Viktor have chosen her birthday for your wedding date.”
“Yes.” A month before Maddie turned twenty-five, it had just felt right to speak their vows on a date connected in such a special way to her mom.
“Viktor said you wanted to honor her memory with the date.”
“We do.” Did her dad find that uncomfortable?
Neither she nor Vik had considered that possibility.
Her father smiled, the expression appearing genuine. “I was hoping you would be willing to honor her memory in another way as well.”
“How?” she asked warily.
“Do not worry, I am not going to use your mother’s memory to try to guilt you into withdrawing the paperwork giving company shares to Ramona Grayson upon your twenty-fifth birthday.”
But he hadn’t forgotten it, either.
“It wouldn’t work anyway. Mom loved Romi and I personally wouldn’t have survived boarding school if her father hadn’t sent her there, too.”
Maddie had desperately wanted her SBC to come to the school once she’d realized her father wouldn’t budge about her going there. However she’d never asked. It wouldn’t have been fair. Just like Maddie, Romi had a life in San Francisco.
But Romi had begged her dad to send her and he’d done so.
Jeremy nodded. “He sent her because I offered to pay the tuition and dorm fees.”
“No.” Wouldn’t her father have told her that before this?
“Yes. He told me when Romi came to him and asked to follow you. He didn’t want to send her, but I thought you would both be better off with each other than your fathers.”
Maddie’s dad was sounding more and more human by the minute. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that, but she thought it might be hope.
However, she felt compelled to say, “Mr. Grayson always loved Romi.”
“But he was already drinking heavily by then. Do you think he was any more aware of his daughter’s needs than I was of yours?”
No, the man who had fallen asleep drunk most nights had not been aware of what Romi needed.
“If she hadn’t gone to boarding school, she would have become her dad’s caregiver.” Jeremy sounded very certain of that. “Romi needed to get away and Gray needed to pour himself into bed at night.”
“You used to be his friend.”
“I still am, as much as you can befriend a man intent on drinking himself into an early grave and his own business into bankruptcy.”
Worry creased Maddie’s brow. “It’s not that bad.”
“Yet. But it will be.”
“Don’t pretend threatening to take his company over was a favor you would do him.”
“No, it wouldn’t be a favor to Grayson, but it would be to Romi.” Her dad sounded very sure of that assertion.
“So you say.”
“You don’t trust me at all, do you?”