"I only asked to be loved. Knowing nothing of the terrible conflict
in his breast, knowing nothing of his new-made ties, I was wounded to
the soul by his speaking unkindly to me--words he forced himself to
speak to hide his real feelings. And then it was that a strange fate
caused him to find me fainting, suffering, and praying for death.
The love in both hearts could no longer be restrained. Augmented by
its long control, sharpened by the agony we had both suffered,
overwhelmed by the surprise of the meeting, we lost reason and
prudence. Everything was forgotten save our love. When it was too
late I foresaw the anguish and sorrow I must bring into this man's
life. I fear it was this thought rather than repentance for sin
which troubled me. Well may you ask why I did not think of all this
before instead of after the error was committed. Why did not Eve
realise the consequences of the fall until she had eaten of the
apple? Only afterward did I learn of the unholy ties which my lover
had formed that very day--ties which he swore to me should be broken
ere another day passed, to render him free to make me his wife in the
eyes of men, as I already was in the sight of God.
"Yet a strange and sudden resolve came to me as I listened to him.
Far beyond the thought of my own ruin, rose the consciousness of the
ruin I should bring upon his life by allowing him to carry out his
design. To be his wife, his helpmate, chosen from the whole world as
one he deemed most worthy and most able to cheer and aid him in
life's battle--that seemed heaven to me; but to know that by one
rash, impetuous act of folly, I had placed him in a position where he
felt that honour compelled him to marry me--why, this thought was
more bitter than death. I knew that he loved me; yet I knew, too,
that by a union with me under the circumstances he would antagonise
those who were now his best and most influential friends, and that
his entire career would be ruined. I resolved to go away; to
disappear from his life and leave no trace. If his love was as
sincere as mine, he would find me; and time would show him some wiser
way for breaking his new-made fetters than the rash and sudden method
he now contemplated. He had forgotten to protect me with his love,
but I could not forget to protect him. In every true woman's love
there is the maternal element which renders sacrifice natural.