“How long has it been?”
“Over a year.” She chewed her lip.
Luke grabbed a pillow and put it between him and the backboard. He made himself comfortable. “Well, looks like we have time to talk now. So tell me about it.”
Valerie couldn’t believe he actually wanted to hear about it. She shrugged, making herself a little more comfortable, and also leaned against the backboard. “I’ve known him since high school. We’d been on and off ever since. But it’s been off for good for over a year.”
“Can I ask who broke it off the last time?”
“That’s the thing.” Valerie felt ridiculous. “We’ve never actually been an official couple. He’s never been able to commit to a relationship. He always has a million things going on. School, his business, and he played college football for a while there, until he got hurt. Then he had a ton of therapy to go through. But mostly…” She frowned, unable to believe she felt like crying. “…mostly he just can’t commit. I finally accepted it and moved on. I’m just not over him yet. Apparently”
“What kind of business does he have?”
Of course that would be the thing Luke would get hung up on.
“A restaurant. It’s his family’s, but he’s taking over now, and he’s been really busy with it.” She paused, still feeling guilty. She didn’t want to say too much, but she felt he at least deserved an explanation. “My cousin Sarah is marrying his brother. I hadn’t seen him in over a year, but when I had to go the wedding shower a few weeks ago, I saw him there. I just hadn’t realized until then that…”
“Listen.” He reached across the bed and put his hand over hers. “I know what it’s like to have feelings for someone who’s not exactly reciprocating.”
He gave her a half smile. Valerie hadn’t thought it wasn’t possible to feel any guiltier than she already did.
“Give it time. I’ll be patient. I’ve had a taste of what may happen someday, and let me tell you, it’s worth the wait.”
Valerie yawned then smiled. No way would she continue this act with Luke. She owed it to him to be honest, but not tonight.
“Why don’t you stay here tonight? I promise I won’t try anything.” He squeezed her hand. “I know where your heart is now, and I’ll respect that. But it’s too late and we’ve both been drinking.”
Valerie did feel tired. The effects of the wine kicked in. “But I didn’t bring anything to sleep in.” She had. But that piece of lingerie would definitely not make an appearance tonight.
Luke stood up and walked over to his dresser. Valerie felt funny seeing him in his boxer briefs. At least he wasn’t naked. He held a white t-shirt in one hand and a pair of shorts in the other. “Will this do?”
She nodded. He tossed them on the bed. “I’ll give you some privacy. Be back in a few.”
Valerie didn’t have to wait too long to find out if they’d be sleeping in the same bed. He climbed in less than fifteen minutes later. He asked if he could hold her, nothing more. Valerie said yes, and fell asleep with him spooning her. It was actually nice, and just like what happened earlier, she’d imagined he was Alex. This time it was a conscious choice. Alex’s arms were much bigger but it brought back memories of him holding her nonetheless.
*
Isabel was vacuuming when Valerie walked holding her shoes. She stopped the second she saw Valerie, a huge smile on her face.
Valerie shot her down.“Nothing happened.”
Isabel’s smile dissolved. “But you spent the night.”
“It was a nightmare.” Valerie plopped on the sofa.
“What happened?”
“We were in his bed. Things were getting pretty hot and…” Valerie put her face in her hands.
“And what?” Isabel sat across from her.
Valerie looked up at her and winced. “I called him Alex.”
Isabel’s eyes opened wide. “Valerie, you didn’t!”
Valerie fell back into the sofa. She stared at the ceiling. “I did. Isabel, what the hell is the matter with me?”
“What did he say?”
“He was actually very understanding, which only made me feel worse. I think I would’ve felt a little better if he’d told me off.”
Isabel started laughing. “Wow. So, why’d you spend the night?”
Valerie told her the whole story as usual, not leaving a single detail out and then added, “I’m breaking things off on Monday.”
“What? Why?”
Isabel started making coffee halfway through Valerie’s story. They were both in the kitchen now, and Isabel poured two cups. She handed one to Valerie and leaned against the counter. Valerie sat on the barstool at the counter.
“I can’t keep stringing him along. Last night was just further proof that I’m in no way ready for a relationship. I’m a mess. It’s not fair to him.”
“What are you going to tell him?”
Valerie shrugged and drank some of her coffee. She wasn’t sure what she’d say. Whatever she did say, she knew Luke would try to convince her otherwise. But she was done faking it. Every kiss was so forced, and she knew it would get even worse now.
“The truth, I guess,” she said. “I’ll be gentle though, and not mention that the only time he managed to turn me on was when I was imagining he was Alex.”