I felt a tear slip down my face. Why was everything being taken from me? I fingered the gold cross that he had released. Truthfully, I wore the necklace more out of a desired connection with my mother than I did out of any vestige of faith.
My faith was remarkably empty and all my life I had admittedly relied on others to tell me what faith should be about. I hadn't really questioned it because it was comfortable to stay where I was as well as leave the connection with my past unbroken. The lack of emotion behind my motives for faith was why I hadn't been to a mass or confession in years.
I let go of the necklace and it fell heavily against my skin. I looked up at Flint and then past him to the church. I loved the man and in some ways I think he knew it already. So why would he endanger our relationship over a matter of faith…..unless it was because…. I glanced deeply into his warm eyes. Unless it was because he loved me and wanted what was best for me eternally over any value he placed in the relationship that I knew he wanted with me. I swallowed as more tears fell.
I could trust him more, because of that sacrificial statement for my well being, then perhaps for any other reason he had shown me up until now. He was so sure in his faith. I could see it in his eyes, which formed the windows of his soul.
I didn't even know where to begin to even defend my faith, which caused me to acknowledge that I hadn't really had much of a faith after all, just a belief passed on to me.
I reached up and undid the necklace. His hand opened and I dropped the necklace into it and nothing more was said.
He took my hand, his fingers curling warmly around mine, as we continued on toward the church. I was scared, but inside I felt like I was doing the right thing, as if perhaps I was experiencing faith for the first time in my life.
Beyond a doubt, somehow I sensed I wasn't going to be disappointed by my decision. There would be those who would think I had betrayed my faith, but the need for faith was why I had started out on a journey of faith, with a man who cared enough not to keep the challenges and rewards of faith from me, in order to preserve his own interests.
We were nearing the front entryway when he said, "I believe now would be a good time to practice our false identities."