I slammed the door shut and locked it. My eyes caught my bed in the open room apartment, but I denied myself the comfort of going to it so I could fall apart and mourn my friend.
I had never fully appreciated how integral Rafftery had become to me in my life and now that he was gone there was such a gaping hole left behind. I pushed away a tear and strode over to my closet and ripped the doors open roughly.
I yanked hung up clothes out and threw them on the floor as I leafed through them. None of what I wore day to day was going to fit the picture of how I must appear to my father. I was coming to the end of the line when I hesitated on a sundress.
It had been an impulse buy two years ago. I had actually been going to take a vacation and rent a beach house, but a double homicide involving celebrities had intervened and I hadn't gone. I'd forgotten I still had the dress.
Its bright color and summer charm was the last thing I wanted to put on right now, but it was just right for what I needed. I stripped down and slipped it on over my undergarments and then realized I needed a different kind of bra for this dress. I switched it and checked my hair in the mirror; it was one of my saving graces. I never had to do a thing to it. I was lucky that way. given the struggles so many women of my color had to go through with their hair. I could thank my mother's Italian blood coming through for that luxury.
I put makeup on, which I rarely, if ever, did. It wasn't that I didn't like it; it was just that it didn't really fit in with the world I worked in. There, I was ready. Oh, I wished I was ready. I knew I looked good, but the way I felt inside reminded me of the scared young girl I had once been, when I had left the island the first time. One last thing to do. I went to the kitchen and pulled the stove out from the wall. I reached behind it and pulled out a key that had been placed on a magnet there.
I held the key in the palm of my hand hating it and yet grateful for it right now. It was time to go. I looked around my humble little home. This might be the last time I saw this place, but I felt no remorse in that, as it had never really felt like a home anyway, just a place to stay.