“Tessa, I’m only saying this because I care about you, okay?” He waits for my response, and I nod. “You’d have to be insane to give up Seattle for someone who loves you more than anything but is only willing to show it half of the time.”
I think about Hardin saying that I make all the mistakes, that I make him act the way he does. “Do you think he’d be better off without me?” I ask Landon.
He sits up a little and says, “No, heck no! But seeing as I know you don’t tell me even half of the messed-up things he says to you, maybe it really isn’t going to work.” Reaching across the empty space between us, his hand touches my arm and he rubs slowly.
Using the alcohol in my veins as an excuse, I grant myself permission to ignore the fact that Landon, one of the only people who actually had faith in my relationship with Hardin, has just thrown in the towel. “I’m going to feel like hell tomorrow,” I say to change the subject before I break the promise that I made with myself not to cry.
“Yeah, you are,” he teases. “You smell like a liquor cabinet.”
“I met Lillian’s girlfriend. She kept giving me shots. Oh, and I danced on a bar.”
He gasps gleefully. “You didn’t.”
“I did. It was so embarrassing. It was Riley’s idea.”
“She’s . . . interesting.” Landon smiles and seems to notice his fingertips still running over my skin. He pulls them away and tucks his arm under his head.
“She’s the female version of Hardin.” I laugh.
“She is! No wonder she sounds so annoying!” he teases, and in a moment of drunken insanity, I glance over to the door, expecting to see Hardin there with a deep scowl after hearing Landon’s playful insult.
“You make me forget about everything.” My mouth releases the words before my mind can catch up.
“I’m glad.” My best friend smiles and grabs the blanket at the foot of the bed. He pulls it up over both of our bodies, and I close my eyes.
Minutes pass in silence, and my mind is putting up a fight as sleep tries to pull me under. Landon’s breathing slows, and I have to keep my eyes closed and pretend that it’s Hardin breathing next to me or my mind will never surrender.
Hardin’s angry scowl and harsh words float through my hazy thoughts as I finally fall asleep: You’re a selfish bitch.
“NO!”
Hardin’s voice startles me awake. It takes a moment to remember that I’m in Landon’s room and Hardin is down the hall, alone.
“Get off of her!” His voice echoes down the hallway seconds later.
I’m out of bed and at the door before he even finishes the sentence.
He has to see what he has. He has to know that you’re serious this time. You have to let him miss you.
If I go rushing into that room, I know I’ll forgive everything. I’ll see him feeling vulnerable and afraid, and I’ll say whatever he needs to hear to comfort him.
I pick my heart up off of the floor and walk back to the bed. I place the pillow over my head just as another “No!” rips through the cabin.
“Tessa . . . are you . . .” Landon whispers.
“No,” I reply, my voice cracking at the end. I bite down on the pillow and break my own promise. I begin to cry. Not for myself. The tears are for Hardin, for the boy who doesn’t know how to treat the people that he cares about, the boy who has nightmares when I’m not in bed with him, but who tells me that he doesn’t love me. The boy who really does need to be reminded how it feels to be alone.
Chapter fifty-one
HARDIN
They won’t stop, they won’t stop touching her. His dirty, wrinkled hands run up her thighs, and she whimpers as the other man fists her ponytail in his hand, pulling her head back, hard.
“Get away from her!” I try to shout at them, but they can’t hear me. I try to move but am frozen on the staircase from my childhood. Her gray eyes are wide, afraid, and absolutely fucking lifeless as she looks at me while a purple bruise already begins forming on her cheek.
“You don’t love me,” she whispers. Her eyes burn into mine as his hand creeps up and wraps around her neck.
What?
“Yes; yes, I do! I do love you, Tess!” I shout, but she doesn’t listen.
She shakes her head as he tightens his grip on her and his friend reaches down between her legs.
“No!” I scream one last time before she begins to fade in front of my eyes.
“You don’t love me . . .” Her eyes are bloodshot from his assault, and I can’t do a damn thing to help her.
“Tess!” I flail my arm out across the bed to reach for her. The moment I touch her, this panic will go away, taking with it the fucked-up images of those hands wrapped around her neck.
She’s not here.
She didn’t come back. I sit up and click on the lamp on the nightstand and scan the room. My heart is hammering against my rib cage, and my body is drenched in sweat.
She’s not here.
A light knock at the door sounds, and I hold my breath as it creaks open. Please be . . .
“Hardin?” Karen’s soft voice fills the room. Fuck.
“I’m fine,” I snap, and she opens the door further.
“If you need anything, please let me—”
“I fucking said I’m fine!” My hand swipes across the nightstand, knocking the lamp to the floor with a hideous crash.
Without a word, Karen leaves the room, closing the door behind her, and I’m left alone in the darkness.
TESSA’S HEAD lies on the counter, cushioned by her crossed arms. She’s still in her pajamas, and her hair is in a nest on top of her head. “I just need to take some Tylenol and drink some water,” she groans.