“Sounds like fun,” Claire smiles across from me. The more I watch them, I can see how much my brother is taken with Claire by the way he looks at her. I’ve never seen him so attentive to a woman before.
“You should come,” I invite her, just as I see my brother’s eyes meet mine.
“Hell, no,” he says, shaking his head.
“Sam.” Mom scolds him for the use of hell at the dining table.
“Sorry, Mom,” he rushes out, like the pansy he is. I smirk and his eyes narrow.
“I’m serious, Claire. If you want to come, you’re more than welcome,” I tell her, ignoring his glare.
“Umm, thanks. I’ll think about it,” she says, looking over at Sam. I’m willing to bet that if he weren’t sitting there, she would totally be down with it.
“When did you become so caveman-like, Sam?” I question, pissing him off more.
“Stop it you two,” Dad says before we get out of hand, but I have no problem taking him on.
“What’s the matter? Afraid the strippers might show her what she’s missing out on?” I laugh, and he practically growls from his spot next her. The table falls silent, and I look up to see my family staring at me.
“What?” I smile as they continue to watch me.
“It’s just… I don’t think we’ve heard that laugh in such a long time.” Mom breaks the awkward silence.
“Oh,” is all I can say, and my smile falls from my face when I see my dad wipe a stray tear away. “Come on, guys. I haven’t been that bad,” I try to lighten the moment, but they remain silent, watching me as if I’m a stranger.
“You’ve been pretty bad, sis,” Sam speaks next. I think back over the last three months. Have I not been hiding the pain as well as I thought? Have I not been sheltering my family enough?
“I didn’t know,” I say, feeling like an asshole for all I’ve put them through.
“You’ve been fine, sweetheart.” My dad clears his throat. “It’s just good to see you happy again.”
“Well, I haven’t had much to be happy about,” I admit for the first time aloud.
“And you feel like you do now?” Mom asks, knowing that something is up.
“I’m not sure,” I reply honestly, not ready to share what I’m feeling when I’m not even sure what it is that’s happening between Sy and me. I know my newfound confidence and happiness has to do with him; we just haven’t defined what we have, and I don’t want to push it. Do I want more? Yes. Even if this thing is just a friendship happening between us, then I will be happy with that. I feel a lightness within me whenever he is around. Even if he has the power to turn that light to dark, I find myself wanting to risk it more and more. I look up and catch my family watching me, and I smile at them—an actual genuine smile. I’m not sure if whatever it is that is happening will last, but in this moment right now, I’m happy. I’m going to take that happiness and try not to lose it.
PAST
Sy
“I hate you,” she spits from the bathroom floor, her drugs lying carefree beside her. She doesn’t even try to hide it anymore.
“I hate you, too, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to sit here, and watch you kill yourself.”
“I wish you were the one who died. She didn’t deserve to die,” she continues to spit her venom. I’m used to it. I’ve been blocking it out for two years now, so I'm conditioned to it. I know it's not her talking; it's the drugs. The Katie I knew wouldn't speak like this.
"You don't think I wish for that every day, Katie? I would fucking sacrifice anything to swap places with her.” I run my hand over my face in frustration. I don’t know why I bother.
“Why are you even here, Sylas? I don’t want to see you anymore,” she slurs, resting her head back against the bathroom wall. Fuck me, she’s a mess.
“I'm taking you into Whitehaven Detox,” I tell her, picking up the used syringe she just shot into her arm. She is beyond my help now.
“No, I'm not going back there.” She sits up in a panic. “I won't do it.”
“You will, Katie. Last month I found you sitting in a pool of your own blood. Now you're shooting up? If you don't come willingly, we are going to admit you for evaluation.” I threaten her with what her family and I spoke about earlier.
“Why won’t you all just leave me alone?” she screams, hitting her head back in frustration. “Just leave me alone.”
I don’t know why I don’t just walk away, walk away from the train wreck that is my wife, but I promised Keira I wouldn’t. I didn’t realize it would be so fucking hard.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Holly
“So, what are you doing today?” Sy asks, stretching out his booted feet on my coffee table. I want to tell him to get his feet off my furniture, and that it’s rude to wear his shoes in my apartment, but seeing them on my coffee table stirs a different emotion in me instead.
“Nothing much,” I answer, sitting back and forcing myself not to say anything about the shoes. Today isn’t the first time he’s just shown up. It’s the third time this week, to be exact, and the tenth time in the last three weeks. I’ve been counting. Normally he shows up for a reason, dropping in after dinner, or to bring me one of my favorite juices, but this morning he had no reason. ‘Just wanted to come by,’ he said before walking in and making himself at home. I was only half mortified that I was still in my pajamas; at least I had on a matching pair.