So deep was her absorption that she started when Lyssa’s hand appeared in her vision, took the cloth away. However, she was more than startled when the woman knelt in elegant silk and glittering gems to wipe her thighs, holding one hand on her knee to keep her open. Danny swallowed. As she’d explained to Dev, all vampires were sexual dominants due to their predatory nature, blood and lust too closely intertwined in their psyche to divide them in the bedroom. When one as powerful as Lyssa touched another vampire, Danny therefore sat still beneath her touch, unresisting as she passed the damp cloth over her mons, her still-sensitive lips. Danny caught her breath, gripping Lyssa’s shoulder in one hand. The woman glanced up at her, the jade eyes assessing.
“You forced the issue, didn’t you? You stupid, stupid girl.” But her voice was gentle. “I thought you overdressed a bit for cocktails.
The way a woman does when she’s preparing herself to do something she expects will take exceptional effort.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Don’t take me for a fool, Danny,” Lyssa said, and Danny saw a flash in those green eyes that had her pressing her lips together.
“You’ve given him every way out, and he hasn’t taken it yet. So you’ve skinned him alive tonight, gutted him, because you want him to run. It’s time to grow up. You marked him three times. You cannot just cut him loose.”
“I marked him three times to save his life. I have no right to hold him. He has a death wish, that’s all it is.”
“You’ve got something worse. His death wish comes from having needed someone too much. You’re afraid of needing anyone at all. Well, open your eyes,” Lyssa snapped. “That boy has been hurt, far beyond what you’ve experienced, even in your extended lifespan. Everything you told me . . . He lost everything a soul can bear to lose. And yet, he’s primed to love you, serve you. All you have to do is let him. Let him do it.”
“I’m too caught up in him. You proved it. I would have looked back, gone to help him, if you hadn’t reminded me Alistair was watching. What if a male vampire of Alistair’s standing, or even a territory male with powerful connections, thinks I’ve been compromised by a male human?”
“The more power you acquire, the more choices you can claim for your own in our world.” Danny closed her eyes. “It always comes back to that. Sometimes it feels there are less.”
“Hmm. Stand up and turn.”
“Lady Lyssa, I don’t—”
“Stand up. And turn.” Lyssa fixed a dark gaze on her. Danny, swallowing, obeyed. The female vampire folded up her skirt in the back and began the same process, this time cleaning the dampened cleft between her buttocks. It reminded her of Dev there, on the train, tearing into her body like an animal determined to get to her very heart and soul, the agony and pleasure of it. She trembled.
“It will pass,” Lyssa said quietly, her fingers pausing, resting on the curve of Danny’s hip. “It does for all of us. Getting a third-marked servant is a process, much like falling in love. You get perspective after a while. They are an important tool, a vital extension of ourselves, Danny. Don’t deny yourself that.” There was a pulling at her waist as Lyssa returned the skirt to its position, turned her and rose, studying her face. Picking up a brush, she gestured. “Sit back down on the tub. You’re too tall.” Danny complied, stared at the wall. “So it will be okay.”
Lyssa lifted her chin. “If you take control of yourself, him and the situation. But there are no fairy tales, Danny. Don’t ever think that things just work out of their own accord.”
Danny closed her eyes. She couldn’t look at the other woman, but she was going to ask the question. “Do we get to be close to someone, Lyssa? So close it’s like they’re inside you and you’re inside them, breathing together, your bodies like one? Do you have that with Thomas? Or Rex?”
When Danny opened her eyes, she saw the shuttering in Lyssa’s. “Oh. My apologies, my lady. That was too personal.” Lyssa kept working on her hair. “Tell me what’s in your heart, Danny, and don’t concern yourself with what’s in mine. You can trust me. Tell me what this rough bushman makes you feel.”
Danny studied her hands. She so rarely wore rings, she realized, unlike Lyssa and many other vampires. As if she expected to work with them, do something with them. Like her life. “As if I’ve been encased in ice forever, because of my mother, my father’s death, Ian . . . I understand what we are, what we need to be. But I’d be content to live in a territory with no particular power. That said, there’s a part of me that knows I can be a territory overlord or Region Master. I can do it. But I want something of my own, something that connects to my heart, a place I can go and be a woman, a child. A temptress. And not because I’m a vampire and have that allure.”
A smile touched her lips. “When I’m with him, when I was with him in the bush, I felt that. He knew what I was and he wasn’t afraid. He only wanted to help and be with me. I like his mind, his body, his heart. Is all that normal? Temporary feelings you say will pass?”Lyssa was silent for several moments. “Yes,” she said at last.
Danny pressed her lips together. “Though I know Alistair would disapprove and you will call me foolish, I’m ashamed of what I did tonight. He’s a brave, decent man, and I’m not sure we have the right to take that away from him, just because we can.”
“You didn’t,” Lyssa observed. “He capitulated to you, Danny. He surrendered. Remember that. Some part of him needs you, the way you need him. That’s what being third-marked is about. You’re providing one another something that neither of you can find alone. We get to delve into the soul of the servant we bind to us in a way those who fall in love and claim to understand one another never will. There are no hidden dark secrets or yearnings. They are there to see clearly. That’s why he surrendered. You gave him what he needed, though you both may not yet realize it.”
Danny’s eyes had become distant, and Lyssa touched her shoulder. “Danny?” Danny turned her gaze to the vampire queen. “It doesn’t matter,” she said softly. “He’s decided to leave. He just said good-bye.” 22
AFTER all the vampires and Nina left the room, Dev’s strength deserted him. When he fell forward, he didn’t expect the arm he put out to stop his fall, let alone hold him. Fortunately, he was caught in the monk’s strong arms. Thomas’s quiet, even voice soothed him.
“Easy, boy. It’s done. Nobody’s going to want anything from you for a while.” Dev sagged in his grip then, choosing to believe him. Thomas managed to coax him up on wobbly legs, and got his arm over his shoulders. “Let’s get you to my quarters.”
On the way there, they moved through the servants’ hallways, so they were alone, the rest employed in the care of the master and his guests. It was blessedly dim here, for Dev didn’t think he could stand the glare of light on his shamed soul right now. Thomas took him to a room outfitted with a simple cot and nightstand, the bath across the hall.
“Lie here for a bit. When your strength returns, you can go clean yourself up. I can help you with that if you have need, no shame.”
“There’s no shame in a monk handling the body of a naked man? Strewth, the world has turned upside down.” Thomas gave a grim smile, the dim sconces making the metal rims of his spectacles gleam, passing a shaft of light over his closely shorn hair as he tilted his head. “I’ve no designs upon it.”
“I’ve never wanted a man to . . . and yet, they . . .” Dev’s throat worked. Now that it was all passing, he felt a sudden desire to get up and run, run until the aching in his chest abated.
“She knows that. It was about what you would do for her, if commanded.”
“How can anyone be suited for this?” Even though the ground tilted alarmingly, he had to get up, regain that much control. As he pressed tented fingers against the wall, holding himself up, he saw Thomas tense, ready to avert a fall. “I’m fine.” He gave a derisive chuckle. “Christ, my stomach’s rolling enough to chunder. Oh, sorry . . .” Thomas shook his head. “I’ve called on Him more than once since I became my lady’s servant. In various ways. Dev, do you love her?”
Of all the questions he expected from the monk, that wasn’t one he’d anticipated. He eased back down to the bed, acknowledging the fact his legs weren’t ready to hold him up for the duration of a prolonged conversation. “I had that once before. This is different.
I’m not sure if it’s a different face of the same, or it’s just . . . fascination, self-destruction, or something else.”
“If we could go back five hours, and she told you everything she’d expect of you tonight, in detail, would you have done it?”
“She’d have thought I’d turned the corner if I did. Cripes . . .”
“Not what I asked.” Thomas’s gray gaze was cool. “Would you have done it? Without analysis or understanding why you actually did it, would you have?”
When Dev’s gaze rose, helpless to answer, Thomas inclined his head. “I told you earlier, there’s something in a man’s makeup, or a woman’s, that makes them a human servant. It may defy everything you’ve ever known about yourself, but for some reason, you can’t refuse her. My lady . . .” He cleared his throat. “I told you she only asked me to break my vows once, to prove my loyalty to her. But if she’d asked me twice? Or maybe even every single day from then until now, I’m not certain I could say no to her.”
“So why doesn’t she keep asking?”
“You know why. Because they are ruthless. Violent. Insatiable. As well as honorable, intelligent, courageous. Loving and nurturing even, at times. They like pushing the edge, there’s no doubt of that. They do it to break us down, help us remember our place with them. And for their own pleasure, for our pleasure. Perhaps it fascinates them, the depths of what we are willing to give them, such that they plumb that deep and deeper, longing to know what it is in us that gives them what they cannot give back themselves, in the very dangerous world in which they live.”