As she spoke she raised her eyes, which beamed with truth and meek
assurance to heaven; and the fine devotional suffusion of her
countenance seemed to characterize the beauty of an inspired saint.
'One day, Oh! never shall I forget it, I went as usual to the
confessional to acknowledge my sins. I knelt before the father with
eyes bent towards the earth, and in a low voice proceeded to confess.
I had but one crime to deplore, and that was the too tender
remembrance of him for whom I mourned, and whose idea, impressed upon
my heart, made it a blemished offering to God.
'I was interrupted in my confession by a sound of deep sobs, and
rising my eyes, Oh God, what were my sensations, when in the features
of the holy father I discovered Angelo! His image faded like a vision
from my sight, and I sunk at his feet. On recovering I found myself on
my matrass, attended by a sister, who I discovered by her conversation
had no suspicion of the occasion of my disorder. Indisposition
confined me to my bed for several days; when I recovered, I saw Angelo
no more, and could almost have doubted my senses, and believed that an
illusion had crossed my sight, till one day I found in my cell a
written paper. I distinguished at the first glance the handwriting of
Angelo, that well-known hand which had so often awakened me to other
emotions. I trembled at the sight; my beating heart acknowledged the
beloved characters; a cold tremor shook my frame, and half breathless
I seized the paper. But recollecting myself, I paused--I hesitated:
duty at length yielded to the strong temptation, and I read the lines!
Oh! those lines prompted by despair, and bathed in my tears! every
word they offered gave a new pang to my heart, and swelled its anguish
almost beyond endurance. I learned that Angelo, severely wounded in a
foreign engagement, had been left for dead upon the field; that his
life was saved by the humanity of a common soldier of the enemy, who
perceiving signs of existence, conveyed him to a house. Assistance was
soon procured, but his wounds exhibited the most alarming symptoms.
During several months he languished between life and death, till at
length his youth and constitution surmounted the conflict, and he
returned to Naples. Here he saw my brother, whose distress and
astonishment at beholding him occasioned a relation of past
circumstances, and of the vows I had taken in consequence of the
report of his death. It is unnecessary to mention the immediate effect
of this narration; the final one exhibited a very singular proof of
his attachment and despair;--he devoted himself to a monastic life,
and chose this abbey for the place of his residence, because it
contained the object most dear to his affections. His letter informed
me that he had purposely avoided discovering himself, endeavouring to
be contented with the opportunities which occurred of silently
observing me, till chance had occasioned the foregoing interview.--But
that since its effects had been so mutually painful, he would relieve
me from the apprehension of a similar distress, by assuring me, that I
should see him no more. He was faithful to his promise; from that day
I have never seen him, and am even ignorant whether he yet inhabits
this asylum; the efforts of religious fortitude, and the just fear of
exciting curiosity, having withheld me from enquiry. But the moment of
our last interview has been equally fatal to my peace and to my
health, and I trust I shall, ere very long, be released from the
agonizing ineffectual struggles occasioned by the consciousness of
sacred vows imperfectly performed, and by earthly affections not
wholly subdued.'