She’d had sex!
Really great, fun sex and it hadn’t been pity sex or even sex with a stranger.
It had been with Nick and he’d been sweet, gentle and so good that just thinking about it made another part of her ache. She wondered if her stomach would be okay if she had sex again, because she definitely wanted to do that again.
Of course her mind chose that exact moment to remind her that she broke out in sobs pretty much after the deed was done. The memory was pretty mortifying and she decided that she was going to just go ahead and drown herself now. Nick stopped her with an exasperated sigh and a hand. He gave her elbow a gentle nudge to sit up and when she did he shocked her further by lathering up his hands with her bar of lemongrass soap and began to wash her.
“I wanted to tell you that I am clean. I’ve never had sex without a condom before and I always get tested,” he paused mid wash to meet her eyes and stress, “Always.”
She nodded slowly, wondering if this was his way of asking her if she was clean. She opened her mouth to reassure him that she was when she remembered that he was well aware of her virginal status last night and probably realized that she was clean as well.
“If it will make you feel better I’ll go out today and get tested again, but I want you to know that it has been several months since I had sex and I’ve been tested since,” he explained.
“Okay,” she said, nodding and not really sure what else there was to say.
When he became quiet she got a little nervous. “Is there something else?” she asked, trying not to worry. She hoped this wasn’t the moment he chose to let her go or worse tell her that she sucked in bed, because if that was the case she was more than happy to keep trying until she got it right.
“Are you on birth control?” Nick asked grimly, looking less than pleased with the idea of having a baby.
“Oh,” she said, feeling like an idiot. Of course they should talk about birth control. Thankfully it was of those things she had covered. “Yes, I’ve been on birth control since I was fourteen,” she announced, trying not to laugh when the announcement noticeably startled him.
She decided to take pity on him and explain, “My periods were too irregular so the doctor thought it would help me.”
He nodded, looking relieved as he returned to washing her. “I guess that’s one less thing to worry about,” he said quietly.
“I guess,” she agreed, worrying her bottom lip as she tried to sort through the other things that she didn’t have a choice but to worry about.
Actually, now that she thought about it she wondered if her little monthly problem was something that she inherited from her birth mother since her mother, well, the woman she thought was her mother, she reminded herself sadly, didn’t have that problem and neither did Caitlyn. It also reminded her that she had about a thousand questions that she wanted to ask her father. She also wondered who her real mother was and where she was now.
The one thing that she couldn’t help but wonder was what was so wrong with her that her mother gave her away. It was more than obvious, at least to her, that she must have done something bad. According to the paper she’d been four years old by the time she went to live with her father. She wanted to find her mother and ask her what she’d done to make her so angry that she’d give her away to a father who ignored her and a woman that made it obvious that she wasn’t welcome and she had to do it in person.
It was bad enough that she had to find out about the origin of her birth with the rest of the world by newspaper and the internet search she’d done last night when she arrived back at the hotel. She didn’t want to have this conversation over the phone. She wanted her father to look her in the eye when he explained why he’d never told her and he decided it was okay for the rest of the world to find out about her before she did.
This might very well be the last time she spoke to her father since it was more than obvious that he didn’t want her around. Part of her hoped that he’d break down and apologize for her crappy childhood and promise to make it up to her, but she wasn’t some naive girl. She’d always known that she didn’t belong and didn’t expect things to suddenly change now that everything was out in the open.
“Nick?”
“Yes?” he asked, not taking his eyes away from his work as he cleaned her back.
“I know this is last minute, but I need a few days off to figure some things out,” she said, hoping that he could get her out of her obligations since she didn’t want to have to put this off for another day.
His hand stilled on her back. “Is it about us?” he asked casually, a little too causally she noted.
“No,” she answered honestly. Whatever was going on between them wasn’t worrying her at the moment. She knew this wasn’t going to last so she decided not to stress out about it, much. There was no question in her mind that he was going to break her heart when he became bored with her and decided to move on. When it happened she would deal with it, but right now she had other things to worry about.
“You’re going home to see your family?” he asked, running his hand down her back again.
“Yes, I don’t want to put it off and I really don’t want to find out anything else secondhand,” she explained, praying that her family didn’t share anything else with the media. She still couldn’t believe that they did that to her.
“Okay, I’ll go with you,” he said, surprising the heck out of both of them judging by the startled look on his face.
She simply gave him a polite smile as she looked away. He hadn’t meant to say it and she had no plans to hold him to it. When she got back if he wanted to continue with their relationship then that was fine with her and if he didn’t……
She was going to need a heck of a lot more chocolate and Coke to get through it.
******
“You really didn’t have to come,” she said, again as he pulled into the long driveway of a large white two story home with an attached three car garage. One look at the well kept home, manicured lawn and upscale neighborhood let him know that their childhoods had been worlds apart. Why that bothered him he didn’t know.
“I wasn’t about to let you face this problem alone,” he said as he stepped out of his car. When the words rushed out of his lips this morning no one had been more surprised than him by the offer, but once he thought about it he realized that she was going to need him. More importantly, he realized that he’d go crazy waiting for her to return to him and he’d be too damn worried about her to focus on getting any work done. This really was for the best, he decided as he walked around the car to open Jamie’s door. It was then that he noticed the cameras.