Her thoughts righted, and she almost laughed as she realized she had overreacted to an unguarded moment. Nothing more.
All she had to do was get through the next few days until the stagecoach came again. It meant working at the church in order to pay for her meals, but she’d be sure to permit no more unguarded moments.
A noisy conveyance rattled by. She rushed to the window with a street view, hoping against hope that Petey had returned with the stagecoach. But it was only a couple of men in a wagon who pulled up to Macpherson’s store and went inside.
With a quiet sigh she turned away from the window. She felt Blue watching her. No doubt he was curious why she’d hurried to the window, who she thought would come to rescue her.
She clenched her teeth. She didn’t need rescuing. All she needed was a way out of this town and to Fort Calgary.
For the rest of the day she asked no more questions. She managed to keep the girls occupied so they didn’t come up with anything unexpected.
It proved exhausting, and by the time they returned to the Mortons’ for supper, she could barely put one foot in front of the other. The girls seemed subdued, as well, and for that, she felt regret.
She hadn’t meant to dampen their spirits.
Later, as she prepared the girls for bed, Eleanor turned to her. “Mama, why are you angry at Mr. Blue?”
“What makes you think I am?”
“You wouldn’t talk to him all day, and when we wanted to, you shooed us away. Are you mad at us?” Eleanor’s bottom lip quivered, and Libby’s eyes filled with tears.
Clara’s heart burned within her. She had inadvertently hurt her precious daughters. She sat between the girls on their bedding and pulled them to her sides. “I wasn’t angry at you or at Mr. Blue. I was only concerned that both of you are acting like this is where we’re going to stay. You know it’s not.”
“But why not?” Eleanor demanded.
“Because I have other plans.”
“Can’t you change your plans?” Libby begged, her eyes pleading. “All we want for Christmas is a—”
“Libby!” Eleanor’s warning stopped her sister before she could complete her thought.
“What is it you want?” Clara asked. “Perhaps I can help you get it.” Though her resources were limited, God’s, she reminded herself, were not. He owned the cattle on a thousand hills. Nothing was too hard for Him.
“Can we stay here?” Eleanor’s voice was tight with emotion.
“We could if I thought it was best for us, but I don’t think it is.” Clara’s resolve strengthened as she thought of Father finding them. She could not let him catch her and take the girls.
“Who says?” Libby always had doubts.
Clara wasn’t sure if that would serve her daughter well as she grew older or be her downfall. “Remember what I said when we started our journey? We would pray and trust God?”
Eleanor shifted so she could look in Clara’s face. “What if what we pray is different than what you pray? Who does God answer?”
Clara smiled as she recalled what Blue had said. “It’s God’s responsibility to answer our prayers as He sees fit.”
Eleanor nodded, a smile flitting across her face as if she believed God would give her what she wanted.
Clara wished it could be so. “That doesn’t mean we’ll get what we ask for but what God thinks is best. We have to trust Him no matter what.”
Eleanor sagged as if she’d been denied her fondest wish.
“Now, I know two little girls who need to get to sleep.” She tucked them in and heard their prayers. Tonight they were rather restrained.
Clara picked up the book Blue had lent her and sat at the table to read.
The girls shuffled closer to each other and whispered quietly for a few minutes until she told them to go to sleep.
The story that had been so engrossing the evening before failed to hold her attention tonight, and she closed the book. Why did life have to be complicated? Why must her father be so controlling? Why the delay in her plans? She’d hoped to have started a new life by now. Instead, she was putting in time waiting.
Her own words accused her. She’d told the girls to trust God when things didn’t go as they wished. Seems she would have to do so, as well.