He smiled. “Happy?”
She nodded. “It’s a strange feeling. It’s not a decision or a wish any more. It’s a reality – like morning sickness.”
His brows shot up. “I hope it’s not that unpleasant.”
“No.” She looked back at the picture. “When you want a baby so bad, the first morning of sickness is a blessing.”
Actually, her first morning of sickness had been unpleasant, until she discovered the cause was pregnancy. Then it was a welcome event – for a while. The memory was poignant, overshadowed by events that took place after she told Alex she was expecting. From that point on it was a nightmare.
The ultra sound photo brought back a vivid memory of Alex watching the screen as the baby moved in her womb. A burning pain started in her stomach and ended up in her eyes. She shoved the photo back into the envelope and closed the lip, willing herself not to think about the previous pregnancy and its tragic end. She bit her lips to keep them from quivering and blinked her eyes to get rid of the blur.
A chair scraped next to her and Alex swore softly under his breath. In an instant he was beside her, helping her from the chair and into his arms.
“It’s alright, sweetheart. It will be different this time,” he said, cuddling her against his chest as if she were a child.
If he had simply ignored her, she might have been able to get her emotions under control, but now a sob threatened so convincingly that she was afraid to breathe. She clenched her hand and held it tight against her mouth so no sound would escape.
“I’m sorry,” Alex said gently. “I should have anticipated this. I should have shown it to you in private – prepared you for it.”
“What?” Felipa’s voice spoke beside her.
“Her baby died,” Jonathan said.
Jonathan and Destiny. She had to regain control. Jonathan understood, but what must Destiny think?
“I did not know,” Felipa said in a voice that sounded stricken.
If everyone would stop talking about it . . . She pushed away from Alex, removing her hand from her mouth.
“I’m OK,” she said in a voice saturated with tears.
“Mommy?” Destiny sounded frightened, and then started to cry.
Carmen picked up Destiny and hugged her tight. “I’ll take her in the other room,” she said, shaking her head when Alex started to assist her. “I’m alright – really. Just give me a minute.”
In a quiet room with no one looking on, she managed to get her emotions under control by focusing on Destiny.
“It’s alright honey. Mommy is alright. She was just surprised by what was in the envelope.”
“Envewope?” Destiny echoed, and then sniffed. Her pupils were large, making her eyes look dark.
Alondra walked into the room with some tissues and a damp rag. “I thought you might need these,” she said, handing the rag to Carmen and setting the box of tissues on a small table beside her. She patted Carmen on the shoulder and left the room.
Carmen wiped Destiny’s face and eyes with the cool rag and used a tissue to wipe her nose. The cool damp cloth did wonders to get her own face back to normal and she finally regained control. Destiny was still watching her, wide-eyed. Finally Destiny put her arms around Carmen’s neck and simply hugged her.
“I wuv woo, mommy.”
“I love you too, sweetie,” Carmen answered.
It was amazing how children honed in on parents emotions and sympathized. They were fortunate to have Destiny and Jonathan. Still, her sadness had nothing to do with not appreciating their fortune. They loved one child as much as the other, but one child could never take the place of another. In the same way, no matter how sorry Alex was for what happened, or how many times he apologized or tried to make up for it, he couldn’t remove the hurt. Maybe it would always be there, but hopefully it would fade.
After they were both calmed down, Carmen carried Destiny back into the dining room. Sitting her in her chair, she glanced around the table.
“I apologize for disrupting your dinner that way.”
For the most part, the facial expressions of those sitting around the table were sympathetic, but Dulce looked as if she was ready to break into tears. Alex looked stern, and when Carmen met his gaze, he looked down at his plate. Apparently something had been discussed in her absence. Well, he was probably embarrassed by her outburst and felt the need to explain. No doubt he told them that Alexia had died, because after Jonathan’s statement, that would be easiest.
Alex said it would be different this time. What would be different this time was the fact that he couldn’t deny the babies were his – that and the fact that this time she had no uterus to lose.
She returned to her place at the table. She had to stop thinking about the past that way. A part of her might never forgive him for what he did . . . and that was a dark part of her personality that she didn’t want him to see. It wasn’t fair. He was fallible like everyone else. Yet somewhere deep inside she feared that if he was capable of betrayal once, then he might be again. It might cross a person’s mind now and then that their spouse might be unfaithful, but insisting on it for months was another thing. Mom used to say that people suspected in others what they had experienced or what they would do in the other person’s shoes. Would Alex cheat? Certainly she had given him no reason to believe she would. Then again, Tessa had cheated on him.
Still, Alex had taken ownership for what he had done. Since then he had treated her with total respect. Then why was it so difficult to forgive him?
Nothing more was said about the tear session. After supper they all gathered in the room with the tree. A piñata had been hung from one of the banisters above and the children of some of the employees joined them. Blindfolded, they knocked it around for a while until it broke, spilling candy all over the floor. Jonathan and Alfonso were playing with the sticks as if they were swords. Jonathan knocked a lamp off the table and it shattered. Jonathan froze, staring at it. Alfonso assured him that it was no big deal - that Señor Medena would pay for it because he had lots of money.
Jonathan glanced up at Alex, who met his gaze sternly.
“Son, you know the rules. If you break it, you replace it.”
“But Señor Medena has money . . .” Alfonso insisted.
“It doesn’t matter how much money he has,” Alex interrupted. “A man takes ownership of his deeds and acts responsibly.”
Señor Medena was watching Alex thoughtfully, but Alex seemed to be unaware of his attention.
Jonathan turned to Señor Medena. “How much do I owe you, sir?”
Señor Medena smiled at him. “I think a few days cleaning in the stable would pay for it.” He glanced at Alex. “This would be suitable with you?”
Alex nodded, still watching Jonathan. “Early in the morning.”
“Tomorrow?” Jonathan asked, his eyes large.
Alex finally glanced at Señor Medena, who shook his head.
“Tomorrow is Christmas morning. No one works. ”Maybe tomorrow afternoon?”
Jonathan nodded solemnly.
Alfonso watched all of them intently. Maybe some of it was soaking in. Maybe he was thinking about what his father would say or do when he came in. Was that the way Morino thought of it? For some reason that didn’t seem likely. Still, Alex had presented the issue as responsibility, not money.
That evening after Destiny and Jonathan were asleep, Carmen was picking up in their room. Alex turned to her.
“Why didn’t you tell me Dulce was giving you a hard time?
Carmen looked up at his face and found it as stern as his voice. She methodically placed the children’s magazine on the table beside the chair, avoiding his gaze. Hadn’t they covered this the night they showed him the picture?
“I didn’t see any point in telling you,” she said.
“But you thought you should defend me,” he said in a calculating tone.
“I don’t know what you mean.” She picked a toy off the floor.
“I mean, you let Dulce believe you talked me into this surrogacy thing.”
She shrugged as she placed the toy on top of the magazine. “What difference does it make? I went along with it. Anyway, it isn’t any of her business.”
“And the spiked drink? You knew she intended it for you.”
Remembering Dulce’s face at the table, she turned, frowning up at him.
“Did you chew her out in front of everyone? Was that why she looked like she was going to cry?”
“Are you trying to protect her now?”
“Are you trying to protect me?” She rebutted.
His smile was wry. “That’s different . . . and we’re wandering off the point.”
“Are we? I thought your point was that I was trying to protect you. I don’t see how that’s any different than you trying to protect me. Besides, there was nothing to be gained in either case by saying anything – to either of you.”
His gaze wandered over her face. “I disagree.”
She sighed and turned away. “That’s your privilege.”
“Carmen, remember what you said to me before we married? You said you wanted to marry a man capable of wearing the pants because that’s what you wanted him to do. I remember because you seemed so sincere.”
She turned abruptly. “I was . . . I am”
His gaze wandered over her face again. “I want to be that way, Carmen. It isn’t some ego trip I’m on. I take my responsibility to you and our children seriously.”
“I know you do, and I appreciate it. But . . . I have the same need to nurture and protect.”
His gaze was reflective. Finally he shrugged. “I suppose so.” He sank into the chair and let out a long breath. “When I realized she intended to get you drunk it went all through me. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything right there . . . You should have seen Dad’s face.”
Carmen glanced at him, but he was still deep in thought. He probably didn’t even realize what he said. That was good, wasn’t it? He had never called Señor Medena Dad before. In fact, he’d probably be horrified to know he slipped and did it now. And yet, maybe he was softening.
“It’s Christmas Eve,” she said softly. “Let’s not think of unpleasant things right now.”