“The ambulance is coming, Dad, hang in there,” I choked out.
Dad smiled. “I’m pretty tired. And I’d really like to see your mom.”
Travis let out a breath, his bottom lip trembling. Trenton used the heels of his hands to wipe his eyes, and the twins stood by, quietly crying.
Dad reached up to touch my cheek. “Stay together. Love one another. I mean it, damn it.”
One side of my mouth curled up, and I felt a hot tear slide over my mouth and down to my jawline. “We love you, Dad.”
“We love you,” Travis said.
“Love you,” Trenton whimpered.
“We love you,” the twins said in unison.
“I love you,” Camille cried.
“Thank you for being our dad,” Abby said, managing a smile.
His gaze drifted to each of us, and then he whispered, “My heart is full.” A single tear formed in the corner of Dad’s eye, and fell away, running down his temple and pooling in his ear. He exhaled for the last time, and he stared into oblivion.
The summer breeze carried the plume of black smoke drifting up from the Carlisi’s Lincoln into the yard, filling the neighborhood. Sirens wailed, matching the pitch of Falyn’s cries, but the roar of the fire stifled both. The heat danced from the flames, creating waves in the air like an afternoon under the desert sun. It looked more like a war zone than the site of my childhood home, the grass soaking up the blood of the old and young.
Camille tore her shirt and tied it around Trenton’s leg, but he barely noticed, holding Dad’s hand to his lips. “Is he gone?”
I looked down, coughing out a sob, and my brothers did the same. My bloody fingers pressed against Dad’s wrist, the absence of his pulse the only stillness amid the chaos surrounding us. He was gone.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
JIM
“JIM?” DIANE CALLED FROM THE KITCHEN. She was holding open the door of the icebox, frowning and looking beautiful in a black sweater and brown suede skirt with big, black buttons. “I think … I think we’re going to have to call a repairman.”
I couldn’t help but smile, watching the two lines between her brows deepen. “What makes you say that, love?”
“Well, it’s not that cold, and …” She opened the milk, took a sniff, and her face twisted. “Yep. Spoiled.”
I chuckled.
“It’s not funny! We just bought this house. How are we going to afford a repairman? What if he says we’ll need a new icebox?”
“Then I’ll work extra hours, and we’ll buy a new icebox.”
She closed the door and sighed, perching her hand on her hip. “James,” she said. She only called me that when she was grumpy with me. “You can’t just work extra hours and buy a new icebox. They’re at least two fifty, and…”
“Honey,” I said, walking across the kitchen to take her into my arms. “I’ll take care of it.”
“Good, because there’s something else.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I’m pregnant.”
I took her in my arms, squeezing tight, probably too tight, feeling happy tears well up in my eyes.
“Is that okay?” she asked close to my ear.
I let her go, chuckling and wiping my eye. “Is it okay? Like we can take it back?”
She jutted out her bottom lip.
“Mrs. Maddox,” I said, slowly shaking my head. “A baby is way better than a busted icebox.”
I sat in the back row of the auditorium, watching my sons prepare to say their goodbyes to me. Olive’s funeral was the day before, and they all looked weary and heartbroken. I wanted nothing more than to hold them and help them through their heartbreak, but it was the one time I couldn’t be there for them.
Thomas stepped forward, clasping his hands in front of him after straightening his black tie. Of course, he has it memorized, I thought, smiling. I knew after he graduated from Eastern that he’d moved to the East Coast to join a government agency before moving to California. It wasn’t until I met Liis that I knew it was the FBI. I was never angry. It made sense for Thomas to want to protect everyone else. My only regret was that I didn’t make it clearer that he didn’t have to hide it from me, but at the time, I wanted him to tell me when he was ready, on his own terms.
“I met Jim Maddox when he was just twenty-one. The details are fuzzy for me, but he’s told me more than once that it’s a five-way tie for the second-best day of his life … second only to the day he married Mom. I learned many things from my dad. How to be a good husband, a good father, and that no matter how many times I make a mistake, it’s never too late to start over. He let me believe I was protecting him, but really, he was protecting me. We could always count on him to have our backs, even when he was busting our butts to keep us from being complete heathens. We held the utmost respect for our father because he carried himself with respect. We loved him because he emitted love. He was a content man, a peaceful man, and he was our hero, right up to the last seconds of his life, and I can say with utmost certainty”—Thomas cleared his throat—“there was never a moment when I didn’t feel loved by him.”
He stepped back to stand with his brothers and Shepley, and then stood tall, his feet shoulder-length apart, his hands clasped in front him, a special agent of the FBI even when tears were trickling down his cheeks.
Liis, Falyn, Ellie, Camille, and Abby sat in the front row with America, empty seats between them. Jack and Deana sat in the row behind, along with two more rows of members of the police department in their dress blues.
The rest of the seats were filled with family and friends, neighbors and my brothers from Kappa Sigma, who were still left. People who’d passed in and out of my life for different reasons, at different times. All people who’d made a mark on my life, and who I’d carry with me into eternity.
Diane walked into the living room, holding Thomas’ hand, her belly full with our next two children. Her eyes flashed with excitement. “Do you smell that, Tommy?”
“It’s yucky,” he said, wrinkling his nose.
I stood up from my recliner and walked across the room in my socks, bending over to grab Thomas. “Yucky? What do you mean yucky?” I growled, tickling him. He arched his back, cackling and kicking to get away. “Daddy worked all weekend on the paint and carpet!” I finally let him loose. I thought he’d run away, and I was prepared to chase him, but instead, he hugged my leg. I patted his back as Diane took in a deep breath through her nose.