Jim was asleep in his bedroom, Alyssa was on watch in the living room, and the kids were upstairs watching a movie, leaving the four of us to grieve alone. I wanted to hold Taylor, to touch him. He was my husband, for God’s sake, but pride kept my hands in my lap. We had been living by my rules since I’d left, rules I felt needed to be followed as a lesson for Taylor to learn. It wasn’t fair to send mixed signals in order to comfort him.
The house was quiet, only the occasional creaking of the walls from the foundation settling. I tried not to think about Alyssa being in the next room, but it was impossible. It was easier to let my mind worry about things I could somewhat control. The coffeepot beeped, and everyone suddenly awakened from their motionless state.
“I’ll get it,” Ellie said, standing. She returned with a tray of mugs and the pot of coffee, setting down each cup and then filling it.
Tyler drank his black, but I knew to search for cream and sugar for Taylor. As I opened each cabinet, I noticed items in strange places, and then I paused, seeing an ice tray next to the spices. I pulled it out, and water sloshed, startling me.
“Oh!” I cried.
Alyssa jogged in. “Everything all right?” she asked, already knowing the answer.
I flung the water from my hands and then wiped the excess on my pants. “I didn’t realize Jim was keeping the ice trays in the cabinet.”
Alyssa wrinkled her nose. “Pardon?”
“Nothing,” I said, refilling the tray and placing it in the freezer.
Alyssa nodded, turning for the living room, but then she paused. “I admit that I asked for this assignment.”
I stared at her. “I’m … not really sure how to respond to that.”
“I’ve been curious about Hollis for a while but especially after you left Taylor.”
My face twisted into disgust. “You’ve been keeping tabs on us?”
She shrugged, unapologetic. “You have my son.”
“My son,” I said. “I’ve raised him. I’ve sat up with him countless nights pressing a cold cloth to his forehead when he was sick. I’ve made him breakfast every morning, his birthday cakes every year, and rocked him to sleep every night until he was six. I was there for his first day of school and when he kicked a soccer ball into his first goal. He’s my son.”
“He is,” Alyssa said. “In every sense of the word.”
“Then why did you want to be here?”
“Curiosity, mostly. The rest is sentiment.”
I fidgeted, suddenly nervous about her intentions. “Are you going to tell him who you are?”
“No,” Alyssa said. She looked down. “Especially not now. It would be inappropriate to drop that on him when he’s grieving his uncle.”
Even with no sleep and her long hair pinned back, she had barely aged since the last time I’d seen her. Her long, straight dark hair and doe eyes reminded me of Cher when she was married to Sonny, with the exception of killer curves which made her look more like an actress who played an agent on TV than a real one. Without chasing around children and having only herself to take care of, she had aged far better than I had. It was easy to feel threatened as I stood there in lounge pants, an oversized T-shirt, ten years of marital baggage, and crow’s feet around my eyes. Alyssa was a supermodel who could steal my husband and a kick-ass FBI agent who could steal my son. The inferiority I felt was crushing.
I glanced back at Taylor, who turned his head, pretending he hadn’t been watching. I wasn’t sure if he was listening or staring at Alyssa.
“I don’t begrudge you moments with Hollis,” I said. “I’ve often wondered how you did it, how you just walked away and didn’t look back. It’s just …”
“Confusing,” Alyssa said, finishing my sentence. “I understand. And I don’t want to make this week any more difficult for you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I couldn’t win him over if I tried. I just … wanted to see him.”
“Hollis?” I asked. I couldn’t help it. The words just came tumbling out of my mouth, and my cheeks instantly caught fire.
“Of course, Hollis. Who else?”
I glanced at Taylor to see if he was watching. He turned away, caught again. I wanted to pack my things and get on the first plane back to Colorado. Embarrassment normally made me ragey, but I couldn’t even muster enough dignity to get angry.
“Oh. No,” Alyssa said. “No, no, no. You misunderstand. Completely. Totally.”
I crossed my arms, feeling absolutely insane. I was actually indignant that she wasn’t interested in Taylor.
She noticed my irritation and sighed. “Let me rephrase. Taylor was never an option. It was always you. I knew it then. I know it now.”
It was a strange feeling to have someone so threatening offer me so much comfort.
Alyssa paused and then crept up the hallway. She walked quietly up to the front door and then pressed her ear against the wood. She listened for a moment and then rolled her eyes, yanking open the door. Olive jerked to a stop, waiting for permission to come in. Alyssa opened the door the rest of the way and then closed and locked the door behind her.
“I’m sorry,” Olive said. “I’m not used to it being locked.”
Alyssa gestured for her to go ahead and then returned to her spot in the living room. I watched Olive hug Taylor, Tyler, and Ellie, and then she walked toward me. Years ago, I stopped wondering when my heart would stop pounding in my chest when she was around. She threw her arms around me, and I hugged her, flattening her hair against the back of her head. I knew exactly how Alyssa felt, and I had no excuse to make her feel anything but welcome. Hollis was her son, too. Just because she’d walked away didn’t mean she didn’t love him.
“Coffee?” I asked Olive, bringing the sugar and creamer to the table.
She shook her head and followed me. “I just had my second cup before coming over.”
“How’s your mom?” I asked, sitting next to Taylor. “Is she ready for you to move into the dorms?”
Olive shook her head and smiled, snickering. “Not at all. She’s such a baby.”
I playfully poked her. “Cut her some slack. It’s a big deal.” My phone buzzed. I checked it and put it away.
“I told her about Thomas. She’s going to bring Jim a casserole later,” Olive said.