His jaw clenched. “It’s not Christmas yet. We’re only two days away.”
She nodded. “Did you find the driver for the stage to Edendale?”
“Petey. Yes, I did.”
“Is he ready to leave tomorrow?”
Nate sat back and stared at her as the meaning of her words registered. “You won’t be up to travel.”
“I’m fine. Just a few bruises.”
“The doctor warned me you need to take it easy or there could be complications.”
He’d warned her, too. “I had a baby and traveled the next day. I fell off a horse and only bruised a few muscles. I think I can ride a stagecoach.” Finished defending herself, she pressed her lips into a firm line. She would finish this journey. And she would not be responsible for delaying Nate any longer. How could she live with herself if she cost him his dream?
“You’re tough as shoe leather, that’s for sure.” His smile didn’t reach his eyes.
“You can tell Petey we’ll leave in the morning.” She would be ready for travel one way or another. Two more days until they reached Eden Valley Ranch and she could rest. Her body cried out for that day.
But her heart cried out for it to never arrive because once it did, the agreement between her and Nate would end.
How could she face the future without the man who meant so much to her and had since she was thirteen years old? She remembered one day in particular back then, him challenging Gordie to jump over mud puddles, then later playing ball with his friend, Missy sitting in the grass nearby while Mr. and Mrs. Porter watched them from the back porch.
She’d been welcomed by the Porters, but it wasn’t only them, she realized with a deep sense of acknowledgment, that had filled a spot in her empty, hurting heart. It was Nate.
“Do you remember when I walked up to you and Gordie playing ball?” She hadn’t meant to speak of the occasion, but the words came without forethought. It was the first time she had made herself known to him. “You missed a catch and the ball tumbled to my feet. I picked it up and tossed it to you.” A smile rounded her words as she recalled those sweeter, more innocent times.
“I remember.” Did his grin seem a little self-conscious?
“You didn’t even try and catch it. Why?”
His grin grew lopsided. “I had never seen such a pretty girl and I guess I stared like the silly boy I was.”
It was her turn to stare, unable to move a muscle. “All this time I thought you were angry because a girl threw you a ball.”
He shook his head back and forth, reached out his hand and pressed his fingers to her cheek. “You were never just a girl.”
She tried to think beyond his fingers on her skin. Tried to think what he meant. Finally she forced words to her mind. “What was I?”
“You were always Louise. A friend. Almost family. I guess I thought you, Gordie and I would always be friends.” He lifted one shoulder in resignation. Or perhaps confusion. “But things changed.”
She nodded. “The Porters died.”
“Vic showed up,” he added.
“You left.”
“You stayed and married Gordie.” Their gazes locked, full of regrets and accusations.
“I wanted to keep the Porter home together and that was the only way I knew how,” she said by way of explanation. “It didn’t change things.”
“When I left, I’d hoped Gordie would decide to leave, too. Leave Vic and the life that he’d fallen into.” He drew in a deep breath. “It didn’t make a difference.”
They reached for each other at the same time. She held his hand and he held hers as a thousand regrets filled her heart.
“I wish things hadn’t changed so much,” she whispered.
“But change is inevitable. Time moves on and we must move with it.” He grew thoughtful. “God has given us a chance to start over. We don’t need to be held back by our regrets and failures. Perhaps we can now build the very thing we wanted all along.”
Her heart hammered with anticipation. She could see the future and it looked bright and welcoming. She couldn’t help being dazzled by it. But first she had to be sure. What exactly did he mean by we? “What is it we’ve wanted all along?”