Jolene looked conspicuously at her watch. “How long is this supposed to take?”
“Not long,” Rachel promised. So far, the meeting was going exactly as she’d feared. The girl’s hostility was un-disguised. The battle lines were drawn and swords ready. Except that Rachel was about to hand over her weapon. She was finished.
Inhaling deeply, she came directly to the point. “Mainly, I wanted to tell you I’ve decided to leave the area.”
Jolene’s eyes flew to hers. “Does my dad know?”
“Not yet.” She would tell Bruce later.
“Why are you telling me?”
“Well,” Rachel said, “I thought you’d want to celebrate. You’ve beaten me, Jolene. You win. You can have your father all to yourself. I won’t be in touch.”
“What about the baby?” she demanded. “You can’t do that to my brother or sister.”
Rachel shook her head. “I grew up without a family. My aunt tried but she didn’t have a warm bone in her body. She was raised in an era when children didn’t speak unless spoken to. Her mantra was that cleanliness was next to godliness, so what she held most important was a spotless house. There was very little fun in my life and—”
“You told me all this before,” Jolene said, defiantly crossing her arms.
“You’re right. Sorry, no need to repeat myself, is there? All I meant was that my aunt taught me what not to do, what not to be.”
“What’ll happen with the baby?” Jolene sounded like an attorney representing her father’s interests.
“Happen?” Rachel shrugged. “Well, I’ll raise this child and love him or her to the very best of my ability.”
“What about my dad?”
“What about him?”
Jolene glared at her. “He has a right to the baby, too.”
“I’m not preventing your father from having contact with the child, Jolene, I’m protecting him or her.”
“Protecting him or her from what?”
Rachel hardly felt a reply was necessary. The answer should be obvious, even to Jolene. If Jolene hated Rachel this much, then she couldn’t trust her to feel any differently toward her child.
When Rachel didn’t immediately reply Jolene’s eyes widened as realization dawned on her. “I would never hurt a baby,” she insisted as though highly insulted.
“Perhaps not physically,” Rachel agreed, “but there are other ways of inflicting damage. I can’t risk that.”
Jolene’s gaze moved past her and she swallowed visibly. “Where will you go?”
She hadn’t decided. “I’m thinking of Portland.”
“Oregon?”
Rachel nodded.
“Why there?”
“It’s close but not too close, and far enough away that your father won’t be tempted to…” She let the rest fade.
“Dad’s been seeing a counselor.”
“Yes, I know.”
“I went, too.”
“So I heard.”
Jolene looked away, apparently embarrassed by her behavior at the counseling session.
Rachel hadn’t expected changes overnight, but there had to be some effort and Jolene seemed unwilling to bend at all.
“You need to talk to Dad.”
“I will.” Rachel hadn’t spoken to Bruce during the past three weeks. They’d exchanged a few emails, in which they’d kept each other up to date. After Jolene’s stunt—making herself ill—and then the wasted counseling session, Rachel felt convinced the situation was hopeless. If Jolene would rather throw up than let her father see his wife—well, what more was there to say?
“The counselor has Dad setting boundaries with me.” She said the words sarcastically. “It’s stupid.”
“Uh-huh.”
Jolene looked down at her feet. “You gave Dad back the money, too, didn’t you?”
Rachel was surprised the girl knew anything about that. “Your father told you?”
“No, Teri Polgar did. She came to the house and made a big stink about it.”
Rachel could well imagine that scene. Teri wasn’t one to hold back her opinions. No doubt she’d told both Bruce and Jolene what she thought of them, whether they wanted to hear it or not.
“Dad was pretty upset about it. You not taking the money, I mean.”
“Tell him—that is, if you want to say anything about our meeting—tell him the baby and I are doing well. I don’t need money. I can care for the baby on my own.” She didn’t want a thing from him. Eventually her pride would give way and she’d need to ask, but until then she was content to manage on her own without any help, financial or otherwise, from Bruce or Jolene. They’d both done quite enough.
“My dad loves you.”
The lump was back in her throat. “Yes, I know.”
“If you loved him you wouldn’t be doing this,” Jolene accused her. “You wouldn’t be keeping the baby away from him.”
Rachel wasn’t willing to be attacked for the difficult choices she’d had to make. But rather than defend herself, she disregarded the girl’s comment. Standing, she placed one hand over her stomach. “I appreciate you meeting me this one last time,” she said in a low voice. “Goodbye, Jolene.” She started to walk away.
“Wait,” Jolene cried.
“Wait?” Rachel echoed. “For what?”
“I…have something for you.”
Rachel wondered if Jolene was telling the truth.
“I told my dad you called and wanted to meet. He wrote you a letter. I wasn’t going to give it to you, but…I think maybe I should.” The girl reached for her backpack, unzipped it and dug around inside. After a moment she pulled out an envelope, then handed it to Rachel. “Go ahead and read it,” she said.
“Have you?” Silly question. Of course she had.
Jolene’s eyes dropped so quickly, that was answer enough. “Just read what Dad wrote.”
Rachel opened the blank envelope, which either hadn’t been sealed or had been replaced.
Dear Rachel,
I don’t know how to start this. I’ve tried writing this twenty times and gave up every time. When I realized you’d blocked me from calling you, I was angry at first. I’d hoped we could reconcile. Then I understood why you did it and I have to say I probably would’ve done the same thing. Nothing changed, despite all our efforts. It was the same problem over and over again, only worse.
I apologize that I didn’t step in earlier to help you with my daughter. Jolene has major issues, and I should have recognized them earlier. I’ve made some changes here at home and attended several counseling sessions now. You were right about that, too. I should’ve agreed to talk to someone much sooner… . If I had, it might have prevented this. Jolene went, too, not voluntarily, but at least she’s had to listen. It’s helping, I think, but I’ll be the first to admit we have a long way to go.
Teri Polgar returned the money.
I’ll abide by any decision you make.
Oh, Rachel, I can’t stop thinking about you and the baby. I’ve never felt such sadness. When Stephanie died, it was like someone had ripped off both my arms. This is different but just as painful. I’ve failed you and failed our child.
I don’t think there’s anything more I can say, other than to tell you again how much I love you. Although Jolene would never admit it, she needs you, too.
Ending this letter is impossible. Words are impossible. I know I’ve lost you but I can’t say goodbye. Bruce
The last two lines blurred as tears filled Rachel’s eyes. She swallowed, blinking hard, so Jolene wouldn’t know how emotional the letter had made her.
“Thank you for giving this to me.” Her hand trembled as she folded the paper and slid it back inside the envelope.
“Dad’s right,” Jolene whispered.
Rachel looked up and saw that Jolene’s head was bent. A tear splashed on her backpack and she jerked her hand across her face.
“Your father is right?” Rachel repeated softly. “About what?”
Jolene shook her head, refusing to answer.
“If you ever need me, all you have to do is check in with Teri Polgar. She’ll get in touch with me and I’ll give you a call.”
“You’d do that?” Jolene asked.
“Yes.”
“After everything I’ve done?”
“Yes,” she returned without hesitation.
“Why?”
“First, you’re my stepdaughter, and second, you and I used to be close.” That felt like a long time ago, but Rachel could look back through the years and hold on to the good memories without allowing the more recent ones to taint her perspective.
“The baby…” Jolene began, and then paused. “You’ve got a tummy.”
“I see you noticed.”
“How could I not?” she said, and almost smiled.
The door of the head librarian’s office opened and Grace Harding came out. Behind her a puppy scampered, running across the library and directly toward Jolene.
Bending down, Jolene scooped the small dog into her arms. The puppy started to lick her chin. Squinting, Jolene laughed and held him away from her face.
“Beau,” Grace called out as she hurried toward them. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Jolene said. “He’s just so cute.”
“He’s a darn nuisance. I keep forgetting to close the office door behind me. This is the second time today.” She reached for Beau, but Jolene continued to hold him.
“Would it be all right if I petted him for a while?” she asked, looking up at the librarian.
Grace glanced at Rachel as though to get her permission.
“Fine with me,” Rachel said.
Grace lingered a moment. “When are you coming back to the salon, Rachel?” she asked. “With both you and Teri gone, I’ve had a heck of a time finding someone to cut my hair the way I like.”
“I…won’t be coming back.”
“That’s a shame.” She paused. “And I bet that’s how all your clients feel.”
She didn’t know what to say. Rachel had heard via Jane that a number of her clients were looking for her. She hated to disappoint anyone but she seriously doubted they’d follow her to Portland or wherever she landed.
“Bring Beau back to me when you’re tired of playing with him,” Grace said.
“Okay.” Beau had settled down in Jolene’s lap and chewed on her finger until she moved her hand just out of his range.
Rachel enjoyed watching Jolene with the puppy. Several minutes later, she stood to leave but Jolene asked, “Could you stay a little longer?”
“Okay.” She waited, unsure if Jolene had something else to say. She leaned down and petted the puppy, who immediately tried to chew on her finger, too.
“Be careful, he’s got sharp little teeth.”
Rachel had discovered that. “Ouch.” She jerked her hand away and examined her finger to see if he’d drawn blood. Thankfully he hadn’t.